Sɛ woahyɛ ahohia mu anaa woredwene sɛ wobɛpira wo ho a, ɛnyɛ wo nko ara. Wɔ US no, frɛ anaa mena 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24/7), mena HOME kɔ 741741 (Crisis Text Line), anaa frɛ 911 wɔ amanehunu bere mu.
Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Write down when the dread shows up.
- Set one boundary you can actually hold.
- Call the friend you've gone quiet with.
Ɔbrɛ bi wɔ hɔ a ɛmfiri adwuma. Wohunu no ɛberɛ a ne din ba wo fon so na wo yam tu kɔ fam ansa na woakenkan nkrasɛm no koraa. Wohunu no wɔ nsɛm a wobɔ ho akɔneaba mu, nkɔmmɔ a wode di wɔ wʼadwene mu ɛberɛ a woreba fie, na worehyehyɛ deɛ wobɛka sɛnea ɛrenpae. Wohunu no wɔ wo mmati so. Ɛberɛ a mo ne mo ho bɛhyia no, na woasiesie wo ho dada.
Abusuabɔ a ɛsɛ sɛ ɛkura yɛn no, ɛno ara na ɛbɛtumi atete yɛn so komm. Ɔhokafoɔ. Ɔwofoɔ. Onua a wanyini, adamfo pa, adwumayɛfo a wuntumi mfiri ne ho. Sɛ nkitahodie a ɛsɛ sɛ ɛyɛ baabi a wode wo ho gu no dane biribi a wosiesie wo ho ma a, ɛno nni wʼadwene mu. Wo nipadua reto nokware kyerɛwtohɔ.
Na ɔfa a ɛho hia sɛ wɔka no soro ntɛm nie: abusuabɔ yɛ tumi a ɛyɛ den paa wɔ wʼakwahosan so, akwan mmienu nyinaa so. Adult mmra ho nsuasua a ɛware sen biara a yɛwɔ, Harvard Study of Adult Development, adi nnipa akyi mfeɛ bɛboro aduɔwɔtwe, na ne nhunumu a emu da hɔ sen biara ne sɛ yɛn abɛnneɛ a ɛbɛn yɛn no mu ɔdɔ na ɛkyerɛ sɛnea yɛn ani begye na yɛn akwahosan bɛyɛ den mfeɛ pii akyi, a ɛho yɛ nokware sen sika, edin, anaa awosuo mpo. Saa nsuasua no nso hunuiɛ sɛ deɛ ɛne no bɔ abira no nso yɛ nokware. Nnipa a wɔwɔ ahokafoɔ mu a ntɔkwa ahyɛ ma, a ani nnye no kaa sɛ ɔhonam ne atenka fam ɛyaw pii wɔ wɔn so, na ankonam de adesoa a wɔtumi susu baeɛ wɔ nipadua so. Abusuabɔ a ɛyɛ papa bɔ yɛn ho ban. Deɛ ɛnyɛ no bɔ yɛn ka. Ɛno nyɛ atenka kwa. Ɛyɛ nsɛm a wɔanya firi nhwehwɛmu mu.
Deɛ ahohiahia a ɛfiri onipa nkyɛn yɛ wo ankasa
Ahohiahia yɛ ahohiahia, sɛ farebae no yɛ berɛ a wɔahyɛ anaa onipa. Nsonsonoeɛ ne sɛ wobɛtumi awie adwuma bi. Abusuabɔ kɔ so.
Sɛ biribi te sɛ deɛ ɛyɛ hu a, wo nipadua hyɛ ahohiahia ahyɛnsodeɛ ma, wo akoma bɔ ntɛm, wo ntini siesie ne ho, wʼani kɔ ɔfa baako. Saa nhyehyɛeɛ no yɛ nwonwa wɔ ahokyere a ɛware kakra ho na ɛyɛ tan sɛ abrabɔ kwan. Sɛ ahohiahia farebae no yɛ obi a wohunu no da biara a, ahyɛnsodeɛ no ntaa nnum koraa. Wo te ase a wʼani da hɔ kakra, wodwane wo ho kakra, dɔnhwere biara mu.
Sɛ ɛkɔ so kyɛ a, saa nnyegyeeɛ ketewa no pue wɔ nipadua mu. Nna a wonntumi nna. Tipae, abogyee a ɛkyere, yam a ɛrentena ase. Wonya atiridiibɔne biara a ɛnam. Wo bo fu nnipa a wɔnyɛɛ bɔne biara ntɛm. Atiridiibɔne hu bi a ɛnam a wuntumi nhyɛ no baabi pɔtee. Yeinom mu biara nkyerɛ hwee ne nko ara. Sɛ ɛbom, ɛfa onipa pɔtee baako ho a, ɛyɛ ahyɛnsodeɛ a ɛsɛ sɛ wode wo ho to so.
Atenka fam ɛka nso wɔ hɔ, na ɛyɛ wia. Fa berɛ pii hwɛ obi atenka so a, wo fi ase hwere wʼadwene fa wo deɛ ho. Wo bɛn ho yie wɔ wo hwɛ no anim, wode hwɛ ewiem nsakraeɛ, na wosesa wo ho sɛnea wobɛma asomdwoeɛ atena hɔ. Wonim yei yɛ yie ara kɔsi sɛ asɛmmisa "ɛdeɛn na mepɛ ankasa wɔ ha" yɛ komm. Saa wʼankasa nne a ɛyera no yɛ ahyɛnsodeɛ a ɛyɛ nokware sen biara sɛ abusuabɔ regye pii sen sɛnea ɛma.
Ɛtu kɔ akyi nso. Boasetɔ a wode adi da mu nyinaa ama onipa baako no nni hɔ mma afoforɔ a wɔdɔ wo. Wotwa nhyehyɛeɛ mu ɛfiri sɛ wonni ahoɔden a wode bɛyɛ ɔhɔho pa. Wo ne nnamfo a anka wɔbɛboa wo no yɛ komm, ɔfa bi firi ɔbrɛ mu na ɔfa bi nso firi aniwuo ketewa, a wonnyae wɔ sɛnea nneɛma akɔ ho. Ahokyere a ɛwɔ abusuabɔ baako mu no kwan wɔ hɔ a ɛde tete deɛ aka nyinaa, a ɛyɛ nea ɛhia wo no abira koraa.
Ntawantawa yɛ kwa. Yei bɛtumi aboro ntawantawa so.
Abusuabɔ a ɛbɛn biara wɔ ne berɛ a ɛyɛ den. Nnipa mmienu a wɔdɔ wɔn ho da so bɛhaw wɔn ho, abu wɔn ho abasamtuo, ako. Ntawantawa nko ara nyɛ ɔhaw no. Awarefoɔ a wɔbɛn wɔn ho nyɛ wɔn a wɔnnko da. Wɔyɛ wɔn a wɔko na afei wɔsane hunu wɔn kwan ba wɔn ho wɔn ho nkyɛn.
Enti sɛnea wobɛhunu ntawantawa a ɛyɛ kwa firi nhyehyɛeɛ a ɛretete wo so brɛoo mu? Nhwehwɛmufoɔ John Gottman de mfeɛ pii hwɛɛ awarefoɔ ankasa a wɔreko wɔ ne adansua mu, na ohunuiɛ sɛ ɛnyɛ ntawantawa a ɛwɔ hɔ na ɛkyerɛ sɛ abusuabɔ rebɛsɛe. Ɛyɛ akwan pɔtee kakra a ɛwɔ sɛnea nnipa di wɔn ho wɔn ho dwuma ɛberɛ a nneɛma yɛ den. Ɔbɔɔ emu anan din.
- Anwiinwii a ɛkɔ deɛ woyɛ akyi na ɛnyɛ deɛ ɛsiiɛ no akyi. "Wo werɛ firi sɛ wobɛfrɛ" yɛ anwiinwii. "Woyɛ pɛsɛmenkominya, wonnwen obiara ho gye wo nko ara" yɛ ɔtua a ɛkɔ wo suban so.
- Animtiaabuo, a ɛno na ɛsɛe ade. Aniwa a wɔdane, fɛwdie, ahohorabɔ, akyiwadeɛ ketewa no. Gottman hunuiɛ sɛ animtiaabuo ne adeɛ baako a ɛkyerɛ sɛ abusuabɔ bɛba awieeɛ sen biara. Ɛka kyerɛ onipa foforɔ no, mpɛn pii, sɛ wobu no animtiaa.
- Ho akyibɔ, baabi a wofa biara wɔde anokwasɛm anaa ɔtua a ɛsane ba hyia, enti hwee nsi ase anaa wɔnsiesie hwee da.
- Ɔfasuo a ɛsie, kommyɛ, ɔfasuo a ɛsi soro enti nkɔmmɔ no wu.
Dapɛn a ɛyɛ den bɛtumi anya yeinom mu baako anyinam berɛ tiawa. Abusuabɔ a ɛwɔ ɔhaw ankasa mu di so. Sɛ wo nkɔmmɔ pii dane animtiaabuo, sɛ wuntumi nfa ɔhaw mma a ɛnsane mmra wo so bio, sɛ akasakyerɛ ba awieeɛ wɔ afasuo ne kommyɛ mu na ɛnyɛ nsiesie mu a, ɛno yɛ nhyehyɛeɛ a emu dɔ, na sɛ wobɔ no din nokware mu a, ɛno ne adeɛ a ɛdi kan a ɛbɛtumi asesa.
Deɛ enti ɛyɛ den sɛ wobɛsane wʼakyi
Sɛ ahokyere no da adi pefee saa a, nnipa bisa ɛtɔ da bi sɛ, adɛn nti na wonsesa, anaa wonfiri mu nkɔ? Obiara a watena emu baako mu nim sɛ asɛmmisa no nhunu sɛnea ɛyɛ ankasa firi emu.
Ɔfa bi yɛ abakɔsɛm. Wo ne onipa yi asi abrabɔ kɛse, anaa woahunu no firi ansa na woatumi akae. Ne fa bi wɔ hɔ a woyii no anaa wonyinii a na wohia no, na wokɔ so twɛn sɛ saa fa no bɛsane aba. Nna pa no, sɛ ɛba a, ɛyɛ adansedeɛ sɛ nna bɔne no yɛ deɛ ɛnyɛ daa. Saa anidasoɔ no yɛ nokware, na ɛyɛ nneɛma a ɛma nnipa hyɛ baabi berɛ tenten sen biara nso. Ayamyɛ a ɛba ahum no akyi no bɛtumi akyekyere wo den sen ahum no ankasa.
Ɔfa bi yɛ nkakraankakra a ɛkɔ so. Ɛkame yɛ abusuabɔ biara mfiri ɔvarefɛ nkɔ ɛyaw mu anadwo baako. Ɛsesa graadwe baako berɛ baako, na wosesa wo ho graadwe baako berɛ baako, kɔsi sɛ wode nneɛma a anka woannye da mu da a ɛdi kan no ato so. Saa berɛ no, ɛbɛtumi ayɛ den ankasa sɛ wobɛkae sɛnea nea ɛyɛ kwa teɛ, anaa sɛ wobɛgye wo ankasa atenka a ɛyɛ sɛ biribi nteɛ no adi.
Na ɔfa bi yɛ ɔdɔ kwa, anaa nokwaredie, anaa asɛdeɛ. Emu biara nyɛ mmerɛyɛ. Ɛyɛ nkateɛ korɔ no a ɛma woyɛ ɔhokafo pa, ɔba pa, adamfo pa. Adwuma a ɛwɔ ha no nyɛ sɛ wobɛdum saa nkateɛ no. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛfa nokwaredie baako bio aka ho: deɛ wode ka wo ho ho.
Deɛ wobɛtumi ayɛ ankasa
Wonnya kwan sɛ wode suban foforɔ bɛhyɛ onipa foforɔ mu. Wowɔ kwan a wode tu wo ho sen sɛnea ɛyɛ wo wɔ anadwo dɔnhwere mmiɛnsa. Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa ankasa.
Bɔ no din pefee kyerɛ wo ho
Ansa na wobɛsi gyinaeɛ biara no, yɛ nokware fa deɛ ɛyɛ nokware ho. Bɔ mmɔden twerɛ to hɔ. Berɛ bɛn na atiridiibɔne no pue? Nkɔmmɔ bɛn akyi na wote nka sɛ woayɛ ketewa? Ɛdeɛn ankasa na ɛsi wɔ akyirikyiri a ɛyaw no mu? Nsɛm pɔtee twa "ebia mereyɛ no kɛse dodo" mu kwasea no mu. Wonrekyekyere asɛm ntia obiara. Wode regye wo ho afiri wʼankasa nnaadaa mu.
Hwɛ wʼankasa wo nipadua nhyehyɛeɛ kane
Wuntumi nnwen yie anaa wonsi ɔhyeɛ pa ɛberɛ a wo nipadua da so wɔ kɔkɔbɔ mu. Ansa na nkɔmmɔ a wuhu no a wode bɛsi gyinaeɛ no, ma wo ho home brɛoo kakra, fam tu wo nan, brɛ wo mmati ase. Ɛno akyi no, yɛ biribi a ɛma wo ho dwo wo ankasa sen biribi a ɛma wo werɛ firi nko ara. Botaeɛ no ne sɛ wobɛgyae asetena a wʼani da hɔ, sɛnea wʼatemmuo bɛsane aba.
Yɛ pɔtee fa ɔhyeɛ ho
Ɔhyeɛ nyɛ asotwe anaa ɔhyɛ. Ɛyɛ nkyerɛaseɛ pefee a ɛfa deɛ wobɛyɛ ne deɛ worenyɛ ho. "Merenkɔ so nkasa sɛ wopagya wo nne, mɛtwe me ho na yɛasane abɔ mmɔden bio akyiri" yɛ ɔhyeɛ. Hwɛ sɛ ɛmmɔ mmɔden sɛ ɛbɛhyɛ wɔn so. Ɛkyerɛ deɛ wobɛyɛ, a ɛno nko ara na wode tumi wɔ so ankasa. Ɔfa a ɛyɛ den no nyɛ sɛ wobɛka. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛkura mu wɔ mprɛnsa so a wɔsɔ hwɛ, ɛberɛ a wɔsane wʼakyi, di ahohwiri, anaa wɔka kyerɛ wo sɛ woreyɛ ɔkwaduru. Nnipa a wɔate sɛ wobrɛ wo ho ase no bɛtwere ɔhyeɛ no so ahwɛ sɛ ɛyɛ nokware anaa. Hwɛ kwan ma no, na si gyinaeɛ kane sɛ baako a wɔbɛkyim no nkyerɛ sɛ woadi nkogu. Fi ase ketewa, adeɛ baako a wobɛtumi adi akyi ankasa, sen mmara kɛse a wonkura mu.
Sane si wiase a ɛwɔ abusuabɔ baako yi akyi no
Ahokyere wɔ kwan a ɛde wo nkwa tew so kɔsi onipa a ɔde reba no nko ara. Pia ɔfa foforɔ no so. Frɛ adamfo a wo ne no ayɛ komm. Ka aane kyerɛ adeɛ no. Sesa wo nipadua, fi adi, da. Sɛnea wʼabrabɔ tre kɛse no, abusuabɔ baako biara tumi a ɛwɔ sɛ ɛbɛkyerɛ wo da mu nyinaa ewiem no sua, na sɛnea wobɛhunu no pefee.
Sɔ nsiesie hwɛ, sɛ ɛyɛ akwan abien a
Abusuabɔ pii a ɛwɔ ahokyere mu no tumi sa, na awarefoɔ anaa abusua ho ɔdwumayɛni pa bɛtumi aboa nnipa mmienu a wɔpɛ no ama wɔasua sɛnea wɔbɛko a wɔrempira wɔn ho. Ɔfa a ɛyɛ den no ne asɛm "pɛ" no. Nsiesie hia sɛ nnipa mmienu nyinaa de wɔn fa to wɔn ho so. Sɛ wo nko ara na woreyɛ a, wo ne wʼankasa ɔdwumayɛni adwuma da so wɔ mfasoɔ, ɛfiri sɛ ɛboa wo ma wohunu tebea no pefee na wosi deɛ wohia gyinaeɛ, deɛ onipa foforɔ no bɛyɛ biara.
Ɛberɛ a ahohiahia no yɛ biribi a emu yɛ den paa
Ɔhyeɛ wɔ abusuabɔ a ɛyɛ den ne abusuabɔ a ɛhaw onipa ntam, na ɛho hia sɛ wonim sɛnea wobɛhunu.
Sɛ obi rehwɛ baabi a wokɔ ne nnipa a wohyia, rehwɛ wo fon, retwe wo afiri nnipa a wɔdɔ wo ho, redane nokware kɔsi sɛ woagye wʼankasa nkae ho akyinnyeɛ, rehunahuna wo, anaa ɔma wosuro a, ɛno nyɛ berɛ a ɛyɛ den kwa. Ɛno yɛ ahyɛnsodeɛ a ɛkyerɛ abusuabɔ a ɛsɛe onipa, na ɛbɛtumi apue wɔ abusuabɔ biara mu, ɛnyɛ ɔdɔ deɛ nko ara. Wo nantew sɛnea wonam nkesoɔ so, wo suro obi nneyɛeɛ, wote nka sɛ woayɛ ketewa na wo nko ara na sɛnea ɛrekɔ no rekɔ, yeinom nyɛ nneɛma a wobɛka wo ho firi mu.
Sɛ emu biara te sɛ deɛ wonim a, ɛnsɛ sɛ wo nko ara santi mu, na ɛnsɛ sɛ woate aseɛ nyinaa ansa na woapɛ mmoa. Wobɛtumi afrɛ anaa woato nkrasɛm akɔ National Domestic Violence Hotline, a ɛyɛ kwa na ɛyɛ kokoam, dɔnhwere biara, na wo ne obi a wɔatete no ama yei pɔtee adi ho nkɔmmɔ kɛkɛ. Ka kyerɛ onipa baako a wode wo ho to no so. Sɛ wowɔ asiane mu ɛberɛ biara a, fa no sɛ ahokyere a ɛyɛ no na frɛ mmoa.
Ma ahokyere a ɛyɛ brɛoo, a ɛyɛ komm no, ɔbarima a ɛnni din nanso ɛma wʼahoɔden sa no, ɔdwumayɛni anaa ɔfotufoɔ bɛtumi aboa wo ahunu deɛ ɛrekɔ so ankasa na woahunu deɛ wobɛyɛ akyiri. Sɛ wode mmoa bɛba no nkyerɛ sɛ woadi nkogu wɔ abusuabɔ no mu anaa sɛ woregyae obi a wodɔ no. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ woahunu ɛka no, na woasi gyinaeɛ sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wɔhwɛ wo.
Botaeɛ no anyɛ sɛ wobɛdi abusuabɔ no so anaa woayɛ wo ho ketewa kɔsi sɛ ɛbɛfata. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛtumi aba fie, sɛ ɛkwan biara a fie no fa so no, na woama wo mmati abrɛ ase awieeɛ koraa.
Nsɛm a wɔnyaaeɛ
- Harvard Gazette, Good genes are nice, but joy is better (Harvard Study of Adult Development)
- The Gottman Institute, The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
- Mayo Clinic, Chronic stress puts your health at risk
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline, Get Help: call, text, or chat 24/7