Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Swap you-language for what you noticed.
- Reread it: how would I feel getting this.
- Ask a real question, not a verdict.
Ebia woanya saa osuahunu yi afiri afanu nyinaa. Obi de adwene a ɛyɛ pɛpɛ na mfasoɔ wɔ so ma wo, na wode dɔnhwere a ɛdi hɔ no nyinaa bɔ wo ho ban sen sɛ wobɛyɛ ho biribi. Anaa woka biribi a ɛyɛ nokware na ntease wɔ mu kyerɛ wo yɔnko adwumayɛfoɔ, na ɔyɛ komm na ne ho yɛ nwunu, na wontumi nhunu deɛ ɛnti. Na nsɛm no yɛ pa. Nanso nkra no anya baabi a ɛnyɛ.
Yɛn mu pii, wɔkyerɛkyerɛɛ yɛn sɛ nkitahodie fa nsɛm a ɛwɔ mu ho. Ma nokwasɛm no nyɛ pɛpɛɛpɛ, ma ntease no nyɛ kann, na deɛ aka no hwɛ ne ho so. Ɛnyɛ adwuma saa. Nkurɔfoɔ nte deɛ woka nko ara. Wɔte sɛdeɛ ɛyɛ banbɔ sɛ wɔbɛnya wo asɛm. Na saa atenka no, fa kɛseɛ no, ɛnne ne nsɛm kabea na ɛhyɛ no, nneɛma mmienu a yɛtaa gyae no ma ɛnam mmera so wɔ bere a ɛho hia paa.
Harvard adwumayɛ nkɔsoɔ dwumadie ka no pefee wɔ ne nkitahodie ho akwankyerɛ mu: sɛdeɛ woka biribi tumi yɛ deɛ ɛho hia te sɛ deɛ woka. Ɛnne tumi de tumi ka wo nkra ho anaa ɛsɛe no komm. Asɛm korɔ no ara bɛtumi abue ɛpono anaa wabɔ mu, ɛgyina nnwom a ɛhyɛ nsɛm no ase no so.
Adɛn nti na asɛm ketewa nsesaeɛ yɛ adwuma pii
Fi nsɛm kabea ase, ɛfiri sɛ ɛno ne deɛ ɛyɛ mmrɛ sɛ wobɛsiesie na nsunsuansoɔ no yɛ kɛse a ɛyɛ nwanwa.
Nsonsonoeɛ a wɔasua ho yie wɔ deɛ nhwehwɛmufoɔ frɛ "wo-kasa" ne "me-kasa" ntam. Wo-kasa de obi foforɔ no si asɛnnibea. "Wo na wosɛee adwuma no." "Worebɔ wo ho ban." "Wonfrɛ me da." Me-kasa kyerɛ wo ankasa wo osuahunu mmom. "Mannya deɛ na ɛhia me sɛ mede bewie me fa." "Mehaw me ho sɛ yɛnte ase."
Nhwehwɛmu a wɔyɛɛ no wɔ 2018 a wɔtintimii wɔ nsɛmma nwoma PeerJ mu no sɔɔ sɛdeɛ nkurɔfoɔ yɛ wɔn ho wɔ saa kabea mmienu yi ho hwɛeɛ wɔ ntɔkwa mu. Nsɛm a wɔde me-kasa siiɛ no, wɔbuu no sɛ ɛho nhia kɛse sɛ ɛbɛhyɛ obi ma ɔbɔ ne ho ban sen anwiinwii korɔ no ara a wɔde wo-kasa siiɛ. Deɛ ɛyɛɛ adwuma yie sen biara no kɔɔ baabi: ɛde me-kasa kaa obi foforɔ no adwene a wɔgye toom kane ho. Biribi te sɛ, "Mete deɛ ɛnti a wobɛhunu no saa ase, na sɛdeɛ ɛte firi baabi a mete no nie."
Ɛnyɛ brɛoo ankasa nti. Ɛfa sɛdeɛ obi foforɔ no adwene bɛkɔ so ayɛ adwuma ho. Bere a obi te nka sɛ wɔrebɔ no soboɔ no, amene fa a ɛhwɛ asiane so no gye di, na fa a ɛtie na ɛsusu nsɛm ho no yɛ komm. Wobɛtumi adi bem koraa nanso woahyɛ saa nsakraeɛ no. Sɛ ɛdane pɛ a, wo bem a wodi no ho nhia bio, ɛfiri sɛ obiara nte ankasa bio.
Nsesaeɛ kakra foforɔ a ɛbrɛ ɔhyeɛ ase a ɛnte asɛm no mu:
- Sesa "daa" ne "da" ma deɛ ɛsii ankasa. "Wonbua me nkra da" frɛ akyinnyegyeɛ a ɛfa bere baako a wobuaeɛ ho. "Mannya mmuaeɛ wɔ mmienu a etwa toɔ no ho" yɛ den sɛ wɔbɛgye ho akyinnyeɛ na ɛyɛ mmrɛ sɛ wɔbɛsiesie.
- Bisa ansa na wabu wo adwene. "Ɛdeɛn na ɛsii wo fa so?" de wo kɔ akyiri kyɛn "Adɛn nti na woanyɛ yei?"
- Bɔ ɔhaw no din, na ɛnyɛ onipa no. "Saa krataa yi nnuruu hɔ" yɛ ɔhaw a wo ne no bɛtumi adi mmom. "Woyɛ basaa" yɛ atemmuo, na nkurɔfoɔ ne wɔn ankasa atemmuo nyɛ adwuma.
Asɛm a ɛyɛ den no ka a wonnwiri onipa no
Nsɛm kabea a ɛyɛ brɛoo nyɛ sɛ wɔrekwati nokware. Nneɛma a ɛyɛ ahummɔborɔ pa a wobɛtumi ayɛ ama obi no bi nso ne deɛ ɛkɔ tee paa. Nyansa no ne sɛ wobɛma nokwasɛm wɔ ɔkwan a onipa no bɛtumi de adi dwuma ankasa so.
Nhwehwɛmufoɔ asua yei pɛpɛɛpɛ. Sɔhwɛ ahodoɔ bi a David Yeager ne Geoffrey Cohen na wɔdii anim a wɔtintimii wɔ Journal of Experimental Psychology mu no hwɛɛ sɛdeɛ wɔbɛma nkurɔfoɔ adwenkyerɛ a wɔbɛyɛ ho biribi sen sɛ wɔbɛbo no. Ɛkwan a ɛyɛɛ adwuma no, ɛtɔ da a wɔfrɛ no "adwenkyerɛ a nyansa wɔ mu," na ɛwɔ afaa mmienu a ɛyɛ tee. Woma ɛda adi sɛ kasatia no kyerɛ gyinapɛn a ɛkorɔn, na woma ɛda adi sɛ wogye di sɛ onipa no bɛtumi adu hɔ.
Wɔ nhwehwɛmu no mu, sukuufoɔ a wɔnyaa kasatia korɔ no ara a saa kabea tiawa no ka ho no, na ɛyɛ den sɛ wɔbɛsesa wɔn adwuma na wɔama no atu mpɔn. Kasatia no ansesa. Asɛm a ɛfa ho no na ɛsesaeɛ. Sɛ anka wɔbɛkenkan "yei nye" no, wɔkenkan "yei ho hia na wo nso wo ho hia."
Wobɛtumi afa yei wɔ kasamu baako mu. Ansa na wobɛkɔ fa a ɛyɛ den no mu no, ka gyinapɛn a wode si onipa no anim ne deɛ enti a woreha wo ho. "Mede adwenkyerɛ a emu da hɔ rema wo ɛfiri sɛ gyinapɛn a ɛwɔ ha no korɔn na minni adwene biara sɛ wobɛtumi adu hɔ." Afei kyerɛ pefee deɛ ɛsɛ sɛ ɛsesa. Nkurɔfoɔ tumi gye nokware pii toom bere a wɔgye di sɛ ɛnyɛ atemmuo a wɔakata so a ɛfa wɔn boɔ ho.
Ɔhyeɛ a wode ba
Nsɛm kabea yɛ nsɛm no. Ɛnne yɛ deɛ ɛhyɛ ne nyinaa ase, wo nne kɛseyɛ, wo mmirikatuo, wo anim hwɛ, sɛ wo nne wɔ ano a ɛyɛ nam anaa ɛnyɛ saa. Nkurɔfoɔ kenkan ɛnne ntɛm sen sɛ wɔbɛhwɛ nsɛm a ɛwɔ mu, na wɔgye di pii. Sɛ wo nsɛm ka "ɔhaw biara nni hɔ" nanso wo apantan asɔ mu na wo mmuaeɛ yɛ tiawa a, wɔbɛgye apantan no adi.
Yei ne deɛ enti a wo ankasa wo ho hwɛ yɛ nkitahodie ho nimdeɛ, ɛnyɛ ade soronko a wode di dwuma wɔ nkyɛn. Wontumi mfa nkra a ɛda hɔ pintinn mma firi nipadua a ɛnnyina pintinn mu. Bere a nyaayaa aka wo no, wo nne yi adi, na obi foforɔ no nya abosuo no ansa na wate w'asɛm koraa.
Adeyɛ a mfasoɔ wɔ so ne sɛ wobɛtɔ bere kakra ama wo ho ansa na woabua, titiriw wɔ atwerɛ mu, baabi a ɔdɔ biara nni nsɛm no mu a ɛbɛbrɛ deɛ ɛyɛ nam no ase. Kenkan nkra no bio na bisa wo ho asɛm tiawa: sɛ obi de saa krataa yi pɛpɛɛpɛ brɛɛ me a, anka mɛte nka sɛn bere a merekenkan? Mpɛn pii wobɛhunu asɛm a ɛreyɛ ɔsɛeɛ a wonni adwene saa, na sɛ wobɛsesa no a, ɛnyɛ hwee.
Ma ɛnyɛ banbɔ sɛ wɔbɛbua wo
Ɔfa a ɛtwa toɔ no fa ɛdan a wode bere bom yɛ no ho. Adwankyerɛ nhwehwɛmufoɔ Amy Edmondson de mfeɛ pii asua deɛ ɔfrɛ no adwene mu banbɔ, atenka a wɔkyɛ a ɛkyerɛ sɛ wobɛtumi akasa, agye akyinnyeɛ, anaa agye mfomsoɔ ato mu a wɔntwe wo aso. Ne nhunu a emu da hɔ koraa bi fa sɛdeɛ akwankyerɛfoɔ bisa nsɛm ho.
Nsonsonoeɛ wɔ asɛmmisa ankasa ne kasatia a ɛhyɛ asɛmmisa nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ ntam. "Wonsusu sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ yɛfa A so anaa?" nyɛ nsamua. Ɛyɛ atemmuo a ɛrebisa apam, na nkurɔfoɔ tumi hunu. Asɛmmisa ankasa yɛ deɛ wonnim mmuaeɛ no dada: "Ɛdeɛn na yɛrefa firi ha?" "Ɛdeɛn na ɛbɛma woahaw wo ho wɔ saa nhyehyɛeɛ yi ho?" Saa nsɛmmisa no ka kyerɛ nkurɔfoɔ sɛ wɔpɛ wɔn adwene ankasa, na bere kɔ so no, ɛno na ɛma kuo no siesie wɔn ho sɛ wɔbɛka nokware akyerɛ wo ansa na aka akyi.
Yeinom mu biara nhia sɛ wobɛyɛ onipa foforɔ. Ɛnsɛ sɛ wode wo nipasu yɛ deɛ ɛyɛ trontrom anaa anigyeɛ. Mpɛn pii ɛsɛ sɛ wobrɛ wo ho ase ara kɔsi sɛ wobɛpa nsɛm ne ɛnne a ɛbɛma onipa foforɔ no atena nkɔmmɔ no mu ne wo wɔ wo pɛ mu.
Wei nyinaa akyi no, nkitahodie kura mu adesoa ankasa wɔ yɛn asetena mu, na sɛ ɛkɔ so ayɛ deɛ ɛnsɛ a, ɛbɛtumi abrɛ wo. Sɛ ntɔkwa wɔ efie anaa adwuma mu ma woyɛ ahopopoɔ, woantumi anna, anaa wosuro nnipa a na anka wonya wɔn ho anigyeɛ, anaa sɛ nkɔmmɔ a ɛyɛ den biara wie ɔkwan korɔ a ɛyɛ yea no ara, ɛmfa ho deɛ wobɛsɔ a, ɛfata sɛ wone ɔdwennimfoɔ anaa fotufoɔ kasa. Ɛtɔ da a nhyehyɛeɛ no ɛnnyɛ nsɛm a wopa ho koraa, na ɔbenfoɔ pa bɛtumi aboa wo ahunu deɛ ɛhyɛ ase.
Nsɛm a ɛfiri
- PeerJ (via PubMed Central), I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict
- Journal of Experimental Psychology: General (via PubMed), Breaking the cycle of mistrust: wise interventions to provide critical feedback across the racial divide
- Harvard Division of Continuing Education, 8 Ways You Can Improve Your Communication Skills
- Harvard Business School Working Knowledge, Four Steps to Build the Psychological Safety That High-Performing Teams Need Today