Sɛnea Wobɛgye Kasatia a Ɛyɛ Den Toom a Woanto Wo Ho Mu

Obi rebɛka biribi a wompɛ sɛ wote akyerɛ wo. Ebia ɛyɛ sohwɛfoɔ wɔ adwumam nhwehwɛmu bi mu, wo hokafo wɔ mukaase pon ho, anaa adamfo bi a ɔka sɛ "metumi aka nokware akyerɛ wo?" Wote nka ansa na wɔawie kasa no. Wo anim yɛ hyew. Wo koko mu keka. Mmuae a wode bɛka ho asɛm atoatoa so wɔ w'adwene mu dada bere a wɔda so ara rekasa.

Saa nneyɛe no nyɛ mmerɛwyɛ, na ɛnyɛ sɛ wo werɛ yɛ hare. Ɛyɛ nipadua abɔdeɛ a ɛreyɛ n'adwuma kɛse dodo. Kasatia si baabi a ɛyɛ mmerɛ, na nipadua no yɛ nea anka ɛbɛyɛ wɔ ahunahuna biara ho: siesie wo ho sɛ wobɛbɔ wo ho ban, anaa siesie wo ho sɛ wobɛyera.

Botae a ɛwɔ ha no nyɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ obi a n'ani gye kasatia ho. Obiara nni hɔ a n'ani gye ho. Botae no ne sɛ wobɛtena dan no mu. Sɛ wobɛbue wo ho so akyɛ ara akosi sɛ wobɛhu nea wɔreka no fa a mfaso wɔ so ankasa, na woato nea mfaso nni so no agu.

Deɛ Enti a Wo Nipadua Yɛ Biribi Ansa na Wo Ankasa Woayɛ

Amygdala te amemene mu tɔnn, ade ketewaa bi a ɛhwehwɛ asiane mu. Ɛyɛ adwuma ntɛm, na ɛnkyɛ nsonoeɛ a emu da hɔ. Wɔ n'ani so, ahunahuna a ɛba wo dibea so betumi ayɛ te sɛ ahunahuna a ɛba wo ahobammɔ so. Bere a ɛbɔ kɔkɔ no, ɛtumi fa wo nipadua bere a amemene no afaanan a ɛyɛ brɛoo na nyansa wɔ mu no nnya mmuu ho atɛn. Cleveland Clinic frɛ eyi "amygdala hijack": ahunahuna-hwehwɛ nhyehyɛeɛ no a ɛfa tumi a wowɔ sɛ wobɛdwene ade pefee no. Wo koma bɔ ntɛm. W'adwene twe kɔ ade ketewa bi so. Nyansahu yɛ komm.

Eyi nti na kasatia asɛm baako pɛ betumi ahyɛ wo mma sɛ nsuyiri. Ɛnyɛ sɛ woahyɛ da reyɛ ade tra so. Wo amemene fa bi abu sɛ eyi yɛ amanehunu bere.

Asetenam abusuabɔ fa bi nso da nipadua abɔdeɛ no ase. Wɔbɔɔ nnipa sɛ wɔmmɛka kuo bi ho. Adwene ho ɔbenfo Ellen Hendriksen kyerɛ sɛ kasatia betumi ada adi sɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ yɛafi yɛn kuo no kwan so, na wɔ abɔdeɛ a wɔte mu abusua mu no, sɛ wɔpam obi bere bi a, na ɛkyerɛ asiane ankasa. Kasatia a ɛyɛ den betumi aka saa ntini dada no. Betumi ayɛ, bere tiawa bi, te sɛ ɔpo, na ɛnyɛ nsɛm a ɛkyerɛkyerɛ biribi.

Yeinom mu biara nyɛ suban mu sintɔ. Ɛfata sɛ wohu nkutoo efisɛ worentumi ne nneyɛe a wonte aseɛ nyɛ adwuma.

Deɛ Wobɔ Ho Ban Ankasa

Nkabomsɛm ho nhwehwɛmufoɔ Sheila Heen ne Douglas Stone, a wɔsua eyi wɔ Harvard, ka sɛ kasatia te ahiadeɛ mmienu a ɛtwe kɔ afanan a ɛbɔ abira no ntam. Yɛpɛ sɛ yɛnyin na yɛyɛ yie. Yɛsan pɛ sɛ wogye yɛn tom sɛnea yɛteɛ pɛpɛɛpɛ. Kasatia a ɛyɛ den ka kyerɛ yɛn sɛ yenkura abien no nyinaa mu prɛko, na ɛno yɛ ɔhaw ankasa.

Wɔhunuu nso sɛ nea ɛhwanyan yɛn no taa kɔ akuo mmiɛnsa no mu baako mu. Sɛ wohu nea wowɔ mu no a, ɛno nko ara betumi adwo asɛm no ano.

• Ɛtɔ da a, ɛyɛ emu nsɛm no. Kasatia no yɛ sɛ ɛnteɛ, ɛnyɛ pɛpɛ, anaasɛ ɛmfata koraa, na wo nipadua nyinaa pɛ sɛ ɛgye nokwasɛm no ho akyinnye.
• Ɛtɔ da a, ɛyɛ onipa no. Ebia wobɛpene nkra no so wɔ adwene mu, nanso sɛ ɛfiri wɔn nkyɛn, seesei ara a, ɛwɔ yaw anaa ɛhaw wo. Enti wopo nkra no efisɛ woreyɛ obi a ɔde nkra no baeɛ no ho ade.
• Na ɛtɔ da a, ɛfa wo ho. Asɛm no de ne ho twitwi anansesɛm a woka kyerɛ wo ho fa onipa ko a woyɛ ho no, na mpofirim asɛm a ɛfa adwuma baako ho yɛ sɛ atemmuo a wɔabu afa wo boɔ nyinaa ho.

Nea ɛtɔ so mmiɛnsa no na emu yɛ duru sen biara. Sɛ kasatia ne onipa a woyɛ di afra a, kasatia ketewaa bi betumi ahono ayɛ kɛse sɛ "meyɛ ɔdaadaafoɔ" anaa "meredi nkogu wɔ biribiara mu." Sɛ wokyere saa mmoroso no wɔ bere no mu, na wobɔ no din sɛ mmoroso a, ɛyi yaw no mu dodo.

Wɔ Bere No Mu: Sɛnea Wobɛtena Dan No Mu

Bere a kɔkɔbɔ no rebɔ no, wonhia mmuae a ɛyɛ pɛ. Nea wohia ne sɛ wobɛtɔ simma kakra ama wo ho sɛnea w'adwene amemene betumi abɛto so.

1. Hyɛ nsuyiri no nsɔ na bɔ no din, sɛ ɛyɛ komm mpo a. Nkabom komm bi "yoo, merehyɛ aseɛ rebɔ me ho ban" de kwan ketewaa bi to wo ne nneyɛe no ntam. Nea wobɛbɔ atenka bi din ampa boa ma ɛtɔ yam.
2. Gu ahome brɛoo ansa na woaka biribiara. Ahomeguo tenten baako ka kyerɛ wo ntini nhyehyɛeɛ sɛ asiane no nyɛ nea ɛsusu no. Worentumi mfa nyansahu nnwo wo ho bere a wo nipadua da so asiesie ne ho.
3. Tie na te aseɛ, ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛka ho asɛm. Su a wowɔ ne sɛ wobɛkyekyere w'akyinnyeɛ a wode betia bere a wɔrekasa. Mmom, bɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛgye nea wɔreka no mu kɛkɛ, te sɛ nea wobɛti mu bio.
4. Bisabisa nsɛm wɔ badwam. "Wobetumi ama me nhwɛso bi?" anaa "Ɛdeɛ ɛyɛ papa no anka ɛbɛyɛ dɛn?" yɛ nneɛma mmienu prɛko. Ɛma wonya bere, na ɛdane atemmuo yɛ no nkɔmmɔbɔ.
5. Sɛ nsuyiri ahyɛ wo ma a, bisa sɛ wonnye ahome kakra. Biribiara nni mmerɛwyɛ wɔ mu sɛ wobɛka sɛ, "Meda wo ase sɛ woaka akyerɛ me. Mepɛ sɛ midwen eyi ho yie, yɛbɛtumi asan aba ho ɔkyena?" Kasatia biara hɔ bɛyɛ nhia atemmuo a ɛba prɛko.

Ɛno ne adwuma no nyinaa wɔ bere no mu. Ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛpene so. Ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛbɔ wo ho ban. Sɛ wobɛbue wo ho so kɛkɛ na woamma ɛpono no ammɔ mu kɛse.

Akyire Yi: Yiyi Asɛm a Mfaso Wɔ So Firi Hooyɛ Mu

Adwuma ankasa no ba bere a ɔhyew no atwam, bere a wobetumi ahwɛ nea wɔkaeɛ no a wo koma nnyigyeɛ nni w'asom.

Ɛnyɛ kasatia nyinaa na ɛyɛ nokware, na ɛnyɛ ne nyinaa na ɛsɛ sɛ wosoa. Ebi yɛ pɛpɛ na emu yɛ den. Ebi ka onipa a ɔde baeɛ no ho asɛm sen wo ara. Ne dodoɔ no ara yɛ afrafra. W'adwuma ne sɛ wobɛpaw fa a mfaso wɔ so no afiri nea aka no ho, na wobetumi ayɛ saa bere a wo ho adwo wo ara akosi sɛ wobɛyɛ wo ho pɛpɛ nko ara.

Nsɛmmisa kakra boa:

• Pɔtee no, dɛn na wɔreka? Fa wo ho firi yaw a emu nna hɔ ("wɔsusu sɛ mennim eyi yɛ") kɔ ade pɔtee no so ("email kɔɔ akyi mprɛnu wɔ bosome yi mu"). Nsɛm pɔtee no wobetumi ne no ayɛ adwuma. Atemmuo a ɛtrɛw mu no, worentumi.
• Nokware aba kakra bi wɔ ha, sɛ ɛyɛ ketewaa mpo a? Ɛho nhia sɛ wobɛgye ne nyinaa tom ansa na woasua bi afiri mu. Nokware aba baako fata sɛ wode sie sɛ ɔkwan a wɔfaa so de baeɛ no anteɛ mpo a.
• Fa bɛn na ɛnyɛ me dea? Wobetumi akura wo ho mu wɔ gyinapɛn a ɛkorɔn so na woasan apo sɛ wobɛfa obi abufuo, ne sikyerɛmu a ɛnteɛ, anaa n'anidasoɔ a wɔntumi nyɛ no ato wo ho so.

Afei fa nsakraeɛ biara sɛ sɔhwɛ, na ɛnyɛ sɛ bɔneka. "Mɛbɔ mmɔden ayɛ no saa kwan yi so bosome baako na mahwɛ" yɛ baabi a ɛtim sen "wɔaka nokware, meyɛ hu." Baako ma wokɔ so sua ade. Baako no ma wokɔ so bɔ hu kɛkɛ.

Na akyire yi, yɛ wo ho ayamyɛ sɛnea anka wobɛyɛ adamfo bi a wanya asɛm a ɛyɛ den. Botae a ɛwɔ kasatia a wobɛtie no yie mu no anyɛ da sɛ wobɛkyerɛ sɛ wonni mfomsoɔ biara. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛkɔ so anyin a woammubu. Ɛnonom yɛ nneɛma soronko.

Bere a Ɛboro Nkɔmmɔbɔ a Emu Yɛ Den So

Yɛn mu dodoɔ no ara fa mu no, kasatia a ɛyɛ den wɔ yaw na afei ɛpopa. Nanso sɛ kasatia ketewaa mpo taa fa wo kɔ ɔdaadaa mu a ɛkyɛre nna pii, sɛ ɛde aniwuo a emu yɛ duru a ɛsesa sɛnea wodidi anaa woda anaa wobɛka nnipa a wodɔ wɔn ho ba, anaa sɛ ɛma wonya adwene pi sɛ wonni boɔ a, ɛno fata sɛ wode ho hia asɛm. Nneyɛe a ɛkɔ so daa a ɛbubu wo wɔ kasatia ho betumi ne dadwen, awerɛhoɔ a emu dɔ, anaa akuro dada a ɛpɛ ɔhwɛ ankasa, na ɛnyɛ nneyɛeɛ pa a wode gyina ano nko ara, atena.

Sɛ wo ne adwene ho ɔyaresafoɔ bɛkasa a ɛnkyerɛ sɛ woagye atom sɛ w'atenka mu yɛ hare dodo. Ɛyɛ ɔkwan a wobɛfa so ahu nea enti a asɛm ketewaa betumi asi denneennen saa, na woakyekyere biribi a ɛtim wɔ n'ase. Ɛho nhia sɛ wo nko ara de ahoɔden a ɛboro so bɛfa eyi mu.

Tumi a wode tie nsɛm a ɛyɛ den na wugyina hɔ ara no nyɛ ade a wɔwoo kakraa bi a wɔn ti yɛ mmerɛ kaeɛ. Wɔkyekyere no nkakrankakra, nkɔmmɔbɔ a emu yɛ den baako baako. Bere biara a wobɛtena dan no mu simma kakra sen sɛnea wo kɔkɔbɔ no pɛ no, worekyekyere no.

Nnyinasoɔ

• Cleveland Clinic, Amygdala: What It Is and What It Controls
• Sheila Heen ne Douglas Stone, Find the Coaching in Criticism (Harvard Business Review)
• Program on Negotiation, Harvard Law School, Learning from Feedback Without Losing Your Mind
• Wondermind, 8 Therapist-Backed Tips for Taking Criticism Like a Champ