Sɛnea Wobɛyɛ Dinn Bere a Nkɔmɔ Bo Fuw

Bere pɔtɛeɛ bi wɔ hɔ a ebia wuhu. Nkɔmɔ no kyea. Simaæ baako a etwaa mu no na worekasa, na seesei worebɔ wo ho ban. W'anim yɛ hyew. Wo koma kɔ soro. Nea onipa foforɔ no kaa no da so gyigye wɔ w'aso mu, na mmuaeɛ bi resi a wugye di sɛ ɛbɛyɛ wo nkwanhyia. Wonyii gyinaeɛ sɛ wobɛko. Wo honam na esii gyinaeɛ maa wo.

Saa bere no ho hia sɛ wote ase, efisɛ ɛkam ade a ɛsɛe wɔ nkɔmɔ a bo afuw mu nyinaa nso ɛsɛe wɔ hɔ ara, wɔ simaæ kakra a ɛba spike no akyi na ansa na woakasa no. Sɛ wobɛtumi ayɛ biribi a ɛho wɔ mfaso wɔ saa kwan no mu a, nkɔmɔ no nkae no nya kwan. Sɛ wuntumi a, wotaa ka ade a ɛdane ntawntaw kuru.

Asem pa no ne sɛ wo ho a wobɛyɛ dinn wɔ saa mmerɛ no mu no yɛ nyansa nketenkete a wobɛtumi asua. Ɛnnyɛ suban a wɔwoo wo bi. Ɛnnyɛ ahoɔden. Nyansa.

Deam sɛ nkɔmɔ a ɛyɛ den fa wo honam

Fɛ ase wɔ nea ɛrekɔ so ankasa so, efisɛ ɛma nkaeɛ no yɛ nsɛɛ kakra.

Wɔ wo amene mu fam, ade ketɛwa bi a wɔfrɛ no amygdala te hɔ, na ne nnwuma mu baako ne sɛ ɛbɛhwehwɛ ahunahuna na abɔ kɔkɔ ntɛm. Ɛntwɛn sɛ wo amene fa a ɛdwene ho no bɛka asɛm. Bere a ɛte asiane no, ɛkanyan wo sympathetic nervous system, ko-anaa-guan mmuaeɛ no. Koma boɔ kɔ soro, ahome yɛ hare, ahokeka horomon san fa mu, anwononwo si gyimii. Eyi yɛ system koro a ɛboa wo ma wohuruw firi kaa ho. Ɔhaw ne sɛ ɛntumi nhu nsonsonoeɛ a ɛda kaa ankasa ne wo hokafoɔ nne so ahosesɛw ntam bere biara.

Bere a saa kɔkɔbɔ no yɛ den no, ɔfa a ɛwɔ wo amene mu a wuhia paa wɔ ntawntaw mu, ɔfa a ɛkari nsem, ɛkenkan onipa foforɔ no, na ɛkura adwene boro biako mu bere koro mu no, yɛ komm. Nnipa taa frɛ deɛ ano yɛ den no amygdala fa. Wo te nka pɛn. Ɛyɛ bere a woka ade a ano yɛ nam na ɛyɛ nyansa na ɛyɛ nokware fa, ade a ɛsi yie dodo, na wohwɛ onipa foforɔ no anim ho mua.

Abusuabɔ ho nhwehwɛmufoɔ wɔ din a wɔde frɛ saa tebea a wɔahyɛ wɔn so no nso. Wɔfrɛ no flooding (asuye). Bere a wɔahyɛ wo so no, wo honam wɔ kanyan kɛse mu araa sɛ nkɔmɔ a ɛyɛ mma na ɛsiesie ɔhaw no nyɛ yie koraa. Wonnyɛ den. Wo honam atebea afiri dan no mu.

Ɛno ne nsesaeɛ a ɛho hia no. Bere a nkɔmɔ bo fuw no, w'adwuma a edi kan nnyɛ sɛ wobɛdi nkonim wɔ asɛm no so anaaɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ ntease mpo. Ɛne sɛ wobɛsan de wo honam ankasa abrɛ ase araa kɔsi sɛ wo fa a ɛyɛ ntease no bɛtumi asan aba.

Sɔ spike no mu ntɛm

Wuntumi nni asorɔkye a wanhu sɛ ɛresi so so. Nnipa pii hwere flooding nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ a edi kan no, na wohu sɛ wɔafa wɔn akyi pɛ wɔ aguaree mu.

Enti sua w'ankasa nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ. Obiara deɛ yɛ soronko kakra. Deɛ ɛtaa ba:

• Ahuhuro a ɛba prɛko wɔ w'anim anaa wo koko mu
• Wo koma a ɛbubu anaa wo ahome a ɛyɛ hare na ɛyɛ tia
• Abogyee a wɔmua, mmati a aboa mu, anaa abakuruwa a wonnyii gyinaeɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ
• Saa tunnel-vision atenka a onipa foforɔ no gyae sɛ ɔbɛyɛ obi a wodɔ no na ɔfɛ ase yɛ ɔtamfo
• Ɔpɛ a wode bɛto mu, sɛ wobɛyɛ nokware ntɛm ara, anaa sɛ wobɛfiri adi

Eyinom mu biara nkyerɛ sɛ woyɛ onipa bɔne anaa hokafoɔ bɔne. Wɔyɛ dashboard nkanea no nko ara. Sɛ wuhu wɔn a, deɛ ɛho hia ne bere. Sɛ wosɔ spike no mu ntɛm a, na woda so wɔ nkoyom pii. Sɛ wɔahyɛ wo so koraa a, wo nkoyom tewa ba nea ɛyɛ bɔne so.

Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa ankasa wɔ bere no mu

Eyinom nnyɛ nsɛm a wobɛti wɔ nhyehyɛeɛ mu. Paw biako anaa mmienu a ɛfata wo ne bere no.

Ma wo home a wode firi mu no kɔ akyiri

Akwannya a ɛyɛ ntɛm paa a wowɔ wɔ honam a ɛredwane so ne wo ahome, titiriw home tenten a wode firi adi brɛoo. Gye home wɔ akontaabu ɛyɛ ɛnan, na ɛno akyi ma home a wode firi adi no ware kɛse, asia anaa pɛɛ, brɛoo na woankyere mu. Saa no atra kakra de nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ ankasa fa wo nervous system mu sɛ asiane no atwa mu. Wobɛtumi ayɛ bere a onipa foforɔ no da so rekasa. Ɛnsɛ sɛ obiara nim.

Bɔ nea wote nka no din, kyerɛ wo ho

Eyi te sɛ ɛyɛ mɛrɛw dodo sɛ ɛbɛyɛ adwuma, nanso ɛnte saa. Bere a wode komm bɔ atenka no din, "ɛyɛ, me bo afu," anaa "ɛno yaw," biribi a wobetumi asusuw ho dane. Wɔ amene mfonin nhwehwɛmu a Matthew Lieberman a ɔwɔ UCLA dii anim no, sɛ wobɔ atenka din no twee dwumadi a ɛwɔ amygdala mu so na ɛde ɔfa a ɛdwene ho na ɛhwɛ so no baa adwuma mu kɛse. Sɛ wobɔ atenka no din no nnma ɛyera. Ɛtwa ano no so, araa sɛ wobɛtumi adwene. Ɛyɛ nsonsonoeɛ a ɛda sɛ wobɛyɛ abufuw no ne sɛ wobɛhu abufuw no ntam.

Gyae nokwaresɛm no simaæ baako

Flood no mfimfini no, wo amene de asɛm bi ma wo: me na meyɛ nokware, wɔreyɛ me nea ɛnteɛ, ɔyɛ saa daa. Saa asɛm no te sɛ nokware. Fa no sɛ nhyɛaseɛ. Ɛnsɛ sɛ wugye nkyerɛaseɛ a ɛyɛ papa paa no di. Yi wo nsa firi nea ɛyɛ bɔne paa no so araa kɔsi sɛ wobɛkɔ so apɛ ahunu. Asɛmmisa a emu yɛ nokware, a wode nne ankasa bisa, betumi asesa ɔhyew no nyinaa: "Wobɛtumi aboa me ma mate nea wokyerɛɛ no ase anaa?"

Si wo honam fam

Wuntumi nnwene wo ho dinn bere a wo honam da so wɔ kɔkɔbɔ mu. Enti yɛ honam no ho adwuma tee. Nan trim wɔ fam. Mmati firi w'aso ho ba fam. Yi w'abogyee. Brɛ wo nsa ase. Emu biara nyɛ nea ɛyɛ den, na ne nyinaa ka kyerɛ wo nervous system asɛm koro: ɛnnyɛ asiane ankasa.

Bere a kwan a ɛyɛ papa ne sɛ wobɛgyae

Mpren bi wosɔ spike no mu akyiri dodo, anaa ɛyɛ kɛse dodo ara. Ade a emu da hɔ na ɛyɛ ɔdɔ paa a wobɛtumi ayɛ saa berɛ no ne sɛ wobɛgyae nkɔmɔ no, wɔ boapa mu, wɔ ɔhwɛ mu.

Eyi nnyɛ sɛnea wode abufuw firi adi anaa wode ayɛ komm de twe obi aso. Ɛyɛ abira. Nsonsonoeɛ no ne sɛ woka nea woreyɛ na wohyɛ bɔ sɛ wobɛsan aba. Te sɛ: "Mepɛ sɛ me ne wo yɛ eyi yie, na me ho ahyɛ me dodo sɛ mɛyɛ no yie seesei. Yebetumi agye simaæ aduonu na yɛasan aba so anaa?"

Simaæ aduonu no ho hia, na ɛnnyɛ kwa. Nhwehwɛmu a efiri Gottman Institute hui sɛ flooding ahokeka kemis no gye bere ankasa ansa na afiri wo honam mu, bɛyɛ simaæ aduonu anaa nea ɛboro saa, ansa na honam mu wotumi akasa yie bio. Na ha na ɔfa a nnipa pii hwere: ahomegyeɛ no yɛ adwuma bere a woma wo ho dwo ankasa nkoæ. Sɛ wode di mu rekenkan wo mmuaeɛ na woreboa abufuokuro no a, wo honam ammrɛ ase da. Fa di dwuma a ɛma wo dwo ampa ara, nantew, nnwom, home a wode brɛ no, biribiara gye sɛ adi mu kenkan no. Wɔn nhwehwɛmu baako mu, awarɛfɔ a wɔgyaee na wɔkenkan magazine simaæ aduasa no san bae a wɔn koma boɔ abrɛ ase na wɔn nkɔmɔ ayɛ varmm na ɛyɛ mma kɛse.

Afei di wo bɔ so na san bra. Ahomegyeɛ a wonsan mma firi mu yɛ gyaa a wɔde din pa ato.

Gyinapɛn a ɛyɛ mɛrɛw sen "nnyae wo bo da"

Wobɛyera wo dinn mpren bi. Obiara yɛ saa, titiriw wɔ nnipa a wɔbɛn yɛn paa no ho, efisɛ ɛno ne nkɔmɔ a ɛho hia paa na ɛduru yɛn mu fam. Botae no anyɛ da sɛ wobɛyɛ onipa a ɔnte hwee nka wɔ nkɔmɔ a ɛyɛ den mu. Saa onipa no rennyɛ dinn. Anka onni hɔ.

Nea woreyɛ mmom ne tumi a wode behu asorɔkye no, atra so a wɔrento wo nhwe fam, na wobɛsiesie no bere a woahwere. "Na me bo afu simaæ baako a etwaa mu, na mepa wo kyɛw, ɛnnyɛ saa na mepɛ sɛ me ne wo kasa" yɛ ade kɛse ma abusuabɔ sen nea ɛrenwene da, a wɔadi so. Nsiesieɛ nso yɛ nyansa, na ebia ɛno na ɛho hia paa.

Sɛ wuhu sɛ ntawntaw taa dane biribi a ɛyɛ hu, sɛ ɔhew a ɛwɔ wo ankasa nkɔmɔ mu no gu ahunahuna, animtia a ɛnnyaree, anaa biribiara a ɛma wo anaa obi foforɔ te nka sɛ ɛnyɛ asomdwoeɛ a, ɛno ho hia sen home ho dwumadi. Awarɛfɔ dwumayɛni anaa afotuni betumi aboa bere a ntawntaw koro no ara kɔ so ba a deɛ wobɔ mmoden biara. Na sɛ abusuabɔ bi agyae sɛ ɛyɛ asomdwoeɛ a, sɛ wode wo nsa kɔ ɔbenfo anaa obi a wugye no di hɔ no nnyɛ mmoroso. Ɛyɛ ade a ɛfata sɛ woyɛ ma wo ho.

Nanso, nkɔmɔ a bo afuw dodoɔ no nnyɛ asiane. Ɛyɛ nnipa baanu a wɔdwene ho, a wɔahyɛ asuye dada koro mu simaæ kakra. Sɔ spike no mu, brɛ wo honam ase, na tena hɔ araa sɛ wobɛkae sɛ mo nyinaa wɔ fa koro. Ɛno taa dɔɔso.

Mmeaeɛ a nsɛm no firi

• Cleveland Clinic, Amygdala: What It Is and What It Controls
• The Gottman Institute, Weekend Homework Assignment: Physiological Self-Soothing
• Lieberman et al., Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity in Response to Affective Stimuli (Psychological Science, via UCLA Social Affective Neuroscience Lab)
• Harvard Health Publishing, The nature of anger