Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Say let me get back to you.
- Name it: this is guilt, not harm.
- Check the line against your values.
Woka kasasin a wopɛɛ ho dwuma no. "Mintumi mfa eyi nyɛ adwuma seesei." Na afei, kakra ansa na onipa foforɔ no rebua wo no, wo yam tu. Nne ketewa bi fi ase ka sɛ: woreyɛ pɛsɛmenkominya, woama wɔn abɔ phɔ, ɛsɛ sɛ woka aane kɛkɛ na wugye di. Na ɛhye no fata. Nanso afɔdie no ba ara.
Sɛ eyi yɛ ade a wonim no a, na wo ne nnipa pa pii wɔ baabiara. Nnipa pa, ayamyefoɔ pii hunu sɛ deɛ ɛyɛ den paa wɔ ɛhye a wode bɛto mu nyɛ nkɔmmɔdie no. Ɛyɛ dɔnhwere fa a ɛdi akyi no, bere a ɔhaw no ba na ɛsɔ wo hwɛ sɛ fa ne nyinaa san. Yɛpɛ sɛ yɛda biribi adi pefee firi mfitiase: sɛ afɔdie de wo a, ɛnkyerɛ sɛ woyɛɛ biribi a ɛnyɛ ye. Saa nneɛma mmienu no ho atete, na adesua yi mu fa kɛseɛ no fa deɛ enti a saa asi, ne deɛ wobɛyɛ bere a woretwɛn ma atenka no atɔ yam no ho.
Deɛ enti a "dabi" a ɛho ye no betumi ate sɛ ɔyɛfoɔ
Ɛhye yɛ nhwehwɛmu pefee a ɛfa deɛ ɛyɛ wo dɛ ne deɛ ɛnyɛ wo dɛ ho. Cleveland Clinic ka sɛ ahye yɛ nhyehyɛeɛ a wode to hɔ ma sɛnea wopɛ sɛ wɔde wo di dwuma. Sɛ wɔka no saa pefee a, ɛte sɛ ade a ɛda adi. Na afei adɛn nti na sɛ wotwe baako a, ɛyɛ ya?
Ne fa bi ne sɛnea wɔayɛ yɛn. Wɔbɔɔ nnipa sɛ wɔne wɔn kuo bɛtena gyina pa mu, na yɛn abakɔsɛm mu fa kɛseɛ no, saa gyinabea no na ɛyɛ asetena ho asɛm. Sɛ woma obi werɛ ho a, ɛbɛtumi ahwanyan kɔkɔbɔ ketewa bi a ɛwɔ wo mu a ɛka sɛ abusuabɔ no wɔ asiane mu. Saa kɔkɔbɔ no nhwehwɛ sɛ wo abisadeɛ no yɛ deɛ ɛfata anaa. Ɛbom ara.
Ne fa bi yɛ tete sen dapɛn yi. Sɛ wosuaa no ntɛm sɛ ɔdɔ yɛ biribi a wonya no efisɛ woyɛ mmrɛ, esiane sɛ wuhu ahiadeɛ kan, esiane sɛ wonyɛ adesoa da nti a, ɛnneɛ "dabi" bi betumi ate sɛ woreto mmara bi a wɔkyerɛɛ wo sɛ tena ase wɔ so. Afɔdie no nyɛ atemmu a ɛfa ɛhye no ho. Ɛyɛ subammɔne dada a ɛreyɛ deɛ wɔtetee no sɛ ɔnyɛ pɛpɛɛpɛ.
Na ne fa bi ne sɛ afɔdie no nya mmoa ɛtɔ da bi. Sɛ ɔsɔretia no fi obi a wodɔ no a, onim baabi a wo ho yɛ mmerɛ no, ɛsɔ den. Ɛno nyɛ ɛhye no mfomsoɔ. Mpɛn pii ɛkyerɛ sɛ ɛho hia.
Ka a wode ɛhye a wonto no tua
Ɛboa sɛ wokae sɛ aane a wobɛka kyerɛ biribiara nso wɔ ne boɔ. Ɛyɛ komm kɛkɛ, na wutua akyire yi.
Mayo Clinic Health System ka no pefee: ahopopoɔ pii a nnipa kura no fi adesoa a wɔfa nnipa foforɔ nkateɛ, su, ne nsusuiɛ ho asodie. Sɛ wonni hye biara a, wode nneɛma a na ɛnyɛ wo dea da sɛ wobɛkura kɔ awieeɛ. Abufuhyeɛ no kɔ soro. Ɔbrɛ no bɛyɛ deɛ ɛda hɔ daa. Wofi ase te nka kakra sɛ nnipa de wo redi dwuma, nnipa a, nokwarem no, wɔanka da sɛ gyae wo ho hɔ, woyɛɛ no ankasa na wofrɛɛ no ayamyeɛ.
Adwumayɛfoɔ a wɔsua eyi ho no ka deɛ ɛba akyiri no pefee. Sɛ woammɔ wo bere ne wo ahoɔden ho ban a, mpɛn pii wo yɛ bɔne wɔ biribiara a ɛho hia wo mu, wɔ fie ne adwuma so, na saa ɔsɛeɛ no betumi ada adi sɛ nna bɔne, akoma a anigyeɛ nnim, ne adwene mu kabii bi. Ɛhye nyɛ ɔfasuo a wode si nnipa anim. Ɛyɛ sɛnea wobɛkɔ so anya ahooden a ɛdɔɔso ama woakɔ so abɛyɛ ho ade ama wɔn.
Deɛ ɛsɛ sɛ woka ankasa
Nsɛm no ho nhia sɛnea nnipa suro no, nanso subammɔne kakra ma bere no kɔ yie.
- Ma ɛnyɛ tia. Ɛhye a wɔde kasasin baako anaa mmienu a emu da hɔ ma no kura yie sen deɛ wɔasie wɔ kasamutia a afɔredie ahyɛ no ma mu. "Mintumi nyɛ saa" yɛ adwene a ɛwie pɛyɛ. Wonni nyansapɛ ho ka.
- Ko tia akɔnnɔ a ɛhyɛ wo sɛ kyerɛkyerɛ mu pii. Eyi ne deɛ ɛsoɔ no. Sɛ yɛte afɔdie nka a, yɛboaboa nteaseɛ ano, na yɛhwɛ kwan sɛ asɛnka a ɛdɔɔso bɛma onipa foforɔ no apene so sɛ wɔama yɛn ho kwan. Ɛntaa nyɛ saa. Ɛtaa frɛ nkwaagye, efisɛ biribiara a wobɛkyerɛ ase yɛ ɛpono a obi tumi fa so san ka wo ba mu. Cleveland Clinic akwankyerɛ ne sɛ yɛnyɛ pefee na yɛnka tee sen sɛ yɛbɛyɛ nsɛm a emu nna hɔ: "Menhwɛ adwuma nkrasɛm wɔ adwuma akyi; saa bere no yɛ m'abusua dea" tɔ yie. Ka ɛhye no; nyɛ sɔhwɛ sɛnea wobɛnya kwan.
- Pɛ bere ma wo ho bere a wubetumi. Ɛnsɛ sɛ wobua wɔ bere no mu. "Ma menkɔsan mmɛhwɛ wo wɔ saa ho" yɛ kasasin a mfasoɔ wɔ so paa. Sah, ɔnhwehwɛmufoɔ a ɔsua deɛ enti a yɛhwe ase ma abisadeɛ tia yɛn ankasa adwene no, kamfo saa ahomegyeɛ yi ara, efisɛ nhyɛsoɔ a ɛma yɛyɛ deɛ wɔse no taa yɛ den paa wɔ anibue kakra a edi kan no mu.
- Fa "Me" sen "Wo". "Ɛsɛ sɛ mefi ha kɔ ansa na ɛredu nnɔn nsia" tena yie sen "Wo na woma metena akyire daa." Baako ka wo ɛhye. Baako fi akasakasa ase.
- Hwɛ kwan ma ɔhaw no, na nfa no sɛ amanneɛ foforɔ. Ebia afɔdie no bɛba ara. Ɛnyɛ hwee. Wubetumi ate nka na woannyɛ ho biribiara. Ɛyɛ atenka, ɛnyɛ aba toɔ.
Sɛnea wobɛma afɔdie no atwa mu a worennsan nnyɛ no
Eyi ne fa a obiara nka nkyerɛ wo: ɛhye no a wobɛto no yɛ ɔkwan a edi kan. Sɛ wobɛkura sɛnea ɛte akyire no ne ɔkwan a ɛto so mmienu, na ɛno na ɛyɛ den no.
Twe a ɛtwe wo sɛ dane ɛhye no yɛ den paa wɔ dɔnhwere a edi akyi pɛɛ sɛ woto no, bere a onipa foforɔ no werɛ ahoɔ na wo nnamfoɔ ho nhyehyɛeɛ rekenkan saa werɛhoɔ no sɛ ɔhaw a ɛsɛ sɛ wɔsiesie. Sɛ wubetumi atra saa mfintimfintim no mu a wonnan wo ho a, mpɛn pii atenka no hwere ne mu den. Wonkata afɔdie no so. Woma ɛfa wo mu bere a wokura w'asɛm mu.
Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa wɔ saa mfintimfintim no mu:
- Bɔ deɛ ɛrekɔ so no din kyerɛ wo ho. "Eyi yɛ afɔdie, na afɔdie nyɛ adanseɛ sɛ meyɛɛ bɔne." Sɛ wode kasa to atenka so a, ɛtaa yi emu hyeɛ no fa bi.
- Yɛ wo ho ayamyeɛ sɛnea anka wobɛyɛ adamfo bi a wayɛ saa ade no ara pɛɛ. Eyi nyɛ deɛ ɛka ho a ɛyɛ mmerɛ. Nhwehwɛmu kyerɛ sɛ ahobrɛaseyamyeɛ ne aniwuo ne afɔdie a ɛba fam, ne ahopopoɔ ne awerɛhoɔ a ɛtwa so bere kɔ so no wɔ abusuabɔ. Sɛ wode brɛoo kasa kyerɛ wo ho a, woreyɛ adwuma ankasa, ɛnyɛ sɛ woregyaa wo ho.
- Hwɛ ɛhye no fa wo gyidie ho, ɛnyɛ wo komam tebea ho. Bisa sɛ: dapɛn baako fi seesei, mɛn'ani agye sɛ mekuraa saa ɛhye yi mu anaa? Afɔdie kasa denneennen wɔ bere no mu. Wo gyidie de nkrataa a ɛkyɛ sie.
Na kae sɛ ɔhaw no yɛ bere tiawa, nanso subammɔne a worekyekyere no nte saa. Ahye yɛ nimdeɛ, na sɛnea nimdeɛ biara teɛ no, ɛnyɛ den bere a wobɔ mmɔden. "Dabi" a ɛto so du no boɔ sua koraa sen deɛ edi kan no.
Bere a ɛboro afɔdie so
Ɛhye bi wɔ hɔ a ɛfata sɛ wɔbɔ ne din. Sɛ "dabi" a wobɛka no nyɛ deɛ ɛyɛ wo ɔhaw kɛkɛ na mmom ɛyɛ wo ahobammɔ ho hia ankasa, sɛ obi a ɔwɔ w'asetena mu twe w'ahye aso fa abufuhyeɛ, ahunahuna, kommyɛ a ɛkɔ so nna pii, anaa sɛ ɔma woadwene ho dwene wo ankasa wo nkaeɛ ho a, ɛno nyɛ afɔdie a ɛyɛ daa na ɛnyɛ wo nkutoo asɛm sɛ wobɛhwɛ so. Ɛno yɛ deɛ ɛfata sɛ wone obi a wakwadare a obetumi aboa wo ama woadwene ahobammɔ ho, ɛnyɛ nkitahodi nko ara.
Na sɛ wuhu sɛ wuntumi nto ahye nketenkete mpo a afɔdie nnyɛ wo nyɛ a, anaasɛ nnipasodie no kɔ akyiri ara kɔsi sɛ woahwere deɛ wopɛ ankasa ho nkae a, ɔdwennimsɛm sahwɛ betumi aboa wo wɔ ɛno mu tee. Cleveland Clinic ne Mayo nyinaa ka sɛ eyi ne ade a ɔdwene ho nkɔmmɔdie sa yie. Sɛ wopɛ saa mmoa no, ɛnyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ sɛ woadi nkogu wɔ ahye ho. Ɛyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ sɛ woahunu subammɔne bi a ɛrebɔ wo ka, na woasi gyinaeɛ sɛ wofata ɔhaw a wode bɛsesa no.
Bere a ɛdi hɔ a woto ɛhye na afɔdie no ba bere a ɛsɛ no, wubetumi ama no atena hɔ. Onnya aba toɔ. Woasi gyinaeɛ dada, esiane nneɛma pa nti, na atenka no yɛ subammɔne dada no a ɛrekɔ akyi kɛkɛ. Ma no simma kakra. Ɛtwam. Ɛhye no tena hɔ.
Nsɛm a wonyaeɛ firii
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Boundaries in Healthy Ways
- Mayo Clinic Health System, Setting boundaries for well-being
- American Psychological Association, The benefits of better boundaries in clinical practice
- National Library of Medicine (PubMed), Self-Compassion, Anxiety and Depression Symptoms: the Mediation of Shame and Guilt