Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Catch the harsh voice before answering it.
- Say what you'd tell a struggling friend.
- Hand on your chest, long slow exhale.
Hwɛ nne a ɛwɔ wo tiri mu bere a edi hɔ a wudi mfomso. Werɛ a wofi din bi, deadline a woto, obi a wo bo fuw no, file a wude foforo kɔ. Ma nnipa pii no, saa nne no yɛ nwini ntɛm. *Woyɛ saa bere biara. Dɛn na ɛhaw wo. Boaboa wo ho ano.* Ɛyɛ nne a anka woremfa nkyerɛ adamfo a ɔrebrɛ, nanso wode kyerɛ wo ho tee, wɔ wo bere bɔne mu, bere a wuntumi nnya.
Ayamye a wode ma wo ho yɛ saa nne no a woma ɛkɔ fam na wubua wo ho sɛnea anka wobebua obi a wo ani da no so no. Ɛnyɛ nkuranhyɛsɛm. Ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ sɛnea mfomso no ansi. Ɛyɛ ayamye kakra, ayamyepa koro no ara a anka wode bɛkyerɛ obiara foforo a na ɔrebrɛ.
Sɛ ɛno te sɛ mmerɛwyɛ a, ka yɛn ho simma. Nnipa a wɔsua eyi no hu nea ɛne no bɔ abira. Sɛ wobɛyɛ wo ho ayamye a, ɛmma woyɛ akwadworɔ anaa ɛmma wonfa wo ho nfi mu. Ɛtaa ma wugyina pintinn, dadwene ba fam, na wopɛ sɛ wosan yɛ bio bere a woandi nkonim.
Nea enti sɛ woyɛ wo ho den a, ɛsan ba wo so
Asɛm bi wɔ hɔ a yɛn mu pii nyaa fii baabi: sɛ wo ho a woka sɛ woyɛ bɔne no ne ankasa wo ho a wobɛyɛ no pa no. Sɛ wode wo ho di nyaa a, wobɛyɛ mmerɛw. Sɛ wokɔ so yɛ wo ho den a, wo ani bɛda hɔ.
Ɔhaw no ne sɛ wo nipadua nkenkan no saa. Wo ho a woka kasa a ɛyɛ den no si wo so sɛ asɛm a ɛyɛ hu, na amemene a ɛwɔ ahunahuna ase dane kɔ ɔko ho banbɔ mu, ahoma koro no ara a edi asiane ankasa ho dwuma. Cortisol kɔ soro. Adwene yɛ ketewa. Wo fã a esua na ɛsiesie ɔhaw no yɛ komm bere pɔtee a wuhia no. Enti wo ho mmɛyɛ nwini ankasa. Woyɛ ketewa, wode wo ho ban kɛse, na ebia wode mfomso no sie anaa wugyae sen sɛ wobɛsiesie no.
Ayamye a wode ma wo ho de nsɛnkyerɛnne foforo kɔ. Bere a wode ayamye gye w'ankasa yaw so no, wo nhyehyɛe kenkan no sɛ ahobammɔ, ɛnyɛ ahunahuna. Fi saa beae a ɛyɛ dwoodwoo no, wubetumi ahwɛ nea ɛsɛe a wo ho nwosow, nea ɛno nko ara ne tebea a wubetumi asesa biribiara wɔ mu.
Ɔdwene ho ɔbenfo Kristin Neff, a wode mfe pii asua eyi no, kyekyɛ ayamye a wode ma wo ho mu afã abiɛsa. Wɔn ho wɔ sɛ wuhu efisɛ wɔn mu biara siesie afiri pɔtee bi.
Wo ho ayamye sen w'ankasa atemmu
Fã a edi kan no yɛ nea ɛyɛ mmerɛw na ɛyɛ den: sɛ wode abodwokyɛre koro no ara a anka wode bɛma adamfo bi yɛ wo ho. Bere a woandi nkonim no, amemene no ne sɛ wode bɛboro so. Wo ho ayamye yɛ gyinaesi a wopɛ sɛ wode bɛdwo wo ho sen sɛ wobɛto wo ho hyɛ so. Sɛ woka, sɛnea ɛte, *eyi yɛ den seesei, na megyina m'ankasa afa bere a merefa mu.*
Nnipa nyinaa baako sen ahoɔnkompa
Bere a nneɛma sɛe no, ɛyaw ka atosɛm. Ɛka komm sɛ wo nko ara na woyɛ basaa saa, sɛ obiara foforo wɔ ne ho mu. Nnipa nyinaa baako (common humanity) yɛ sɛ wokae nokware no: ɔbrɛ, nkogu, ne sɛnea wote nka sɛ wonnɔɔso yɛ nnipa nyinaa nkitahodi no fã. Obiara nni hɔ a wɔayi no afi mu. Wonsɛe wɔ ɔkwan a obi nnim so. Woyɛ onipa, a woreyɛ nea nnipa yɛ, a ɛne sɛ ɛtɔ da a wobubu mu.
Adwene a ɛyɛ pintinn sen sɛ ɛbɛmem wo
Fã a ɛto so abiɛsa no ne sɛ wukura wo nkate a emu yɛ den a wompiapia mu na ɛmmem wo nso. Wobɔ nea ɛrekɔ so no din. *M'ani awu. Misuro sɛ mema nnipa ano si fam.* Woma ɛyɛ nokware a wonnan no asɛnnibea mmienu wɔ wo tiri mu. Adwene a ɛyɛ pintinn (mindfulness) wɔ ha kyerɛ kɛkɛ sɛ wuhu nkate no pefee a ɛrenni dwumadi no nyinaa so.
Nea ɛnyɛ
Nneɛma kakra de wɔn ho fra ayamye a wode ma wo ho, enti momma yenyiyi mu.
Ɛnyɛ ahoɔnkompa. Ahoɔnkompa ka sɛ *me mmɔbɔ, eyi si me nko ara so* na ɛma wo wiase yɛ ketewa. Ayamye a wode ma wo ho ka sɛ *eyi yɛ den na nneɛma a ɛyɛ den ba obiara so* na ɛma wo ne nnipa nya nkitahodi.
Ɛnyɛ sɛ wode wo ho befi mu. Wubetumi agye atom sɛ wuyɛɛ biribi bɔne na woankɔ so antwa wo ho mmaa wɔ ho. Nokwasɛm ne sɛ nnipa a wɔyɛ wɔn ho ayamye no taa ntɛm fa asodi, efisɛ sɛ wugye mfomso atom no ɛnte sɛ owu atemmu.
Na ɛnyɛ ade koro ne wo ho a wode wo ho di kɛse. Wo ho a wode wo ho di taa gyina sɛ wote nka sɛ woyɛ soronko anaa wokyɛn mfimfini, nea ɛkyerɛ sɛ ɛtaa gyaw wo wɔ nna a wudi nkogu. Ayamye a wode ma wo ho wɔ hɔ saa nna no ankasa. Ɛnhwehwɛ sɛ woredi nkonim. Ɛhwehwɛ kɛkɛ sɛ woyɛ onipa.
Sɛnea wobɛkyekye no ankasa
Eyi yɛ nimdeɛ, a ɛkyerɛ sɛ ɛyɛ den bere a woyɛ no na ɛnsesa wo, sɛ ɛyɛ den na ɛnyɛ nea ɛba ara wɔ mfiase mpo. Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa ankasa:
- Kyere nne no. Dwumadi no nyinaa hyɛ ase wɔ sɛ wubehu nkenkanyɛ a ɛyɛ den no bere a ɛrekɔ so. Wuntumi mma nne a wonte mu nyɛ mmerɛw. Nna kakra, tie kɛkɛ. Ɛho nhia sɛ wosiesie biribiara seesei.
- Bisa adamfo asɛmmisa no. Bere a wukyere wo ho sɛ woreboro so no, gyae na bisa: dɛn na anka mɛka akyerɛ adamfo a ɔwɔ baabi pɔtee yi mu? Mpɛn pii woahu dedaw. Nsɛm no ba mmerɛw ma nnipa foforo. Adwuma no ne sɛ wode bɛkyerɛ wo mu.
- Kyerɛw krataa kɔma wo ho. Harvard Health kyerɛ sɛ kyerɛw tebea a ɛyɛ yaw bi ho sɛnea worekyerɛw akɔma obi a wodɔ no, a womfa nto obiara so, a wo ankasa ka ho. Sɛ wode to krataa so a, ɛyɛ kɔ a ɛkɔ soro no brɛoo na ɛma nne a ɛyɛ ayamye nya kwan ka asɛm. Kasamu kakra mpo kan.
- De wo nipadua di dwuma. Wuntumi nsusuw nkɔ dwoodwoo mu bere a wo nipadua agye gyene. Nsa a wode si wo koko so, ahome tenten, sɛ wudi biribi, sɛ woda fam simma du. Saa nipadua ho hwɛ nketenkete yi ka kyerɛ wo nhwene ho ahoɔden sɛ asiane no atwam na ɛma nsusuwii a ɛyɛ ayamye no yɛ mmerɛw sɛ wubedu ho.
- Sɔ kasamu baako a egyina pintinn hwɛ. Yi biribi a ɛyɛ kɛkɛ na ɛyɛ nokware a wubetumi asan akɔ ho wɔ bere a ɛyɛ den mu. *Eyi yɛ bere a ɛyɛ den. Bere a ɛyɛ den ba obiara so. Mma menyɛ me ho ayamye kakra seesei.* Ɛyɛ sɛ ɛyɛ den sɛ wɔakyerɛw. Wɔ bere no mu, ɛyɛ adwuma.
Hyɛ ase wɔ eyinom mu biako so. Botae no nyɛ sɛ wobɛsesa sɛnea wokasa kyerɛ wo ho nyinaa Fida bere du. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛtwa suban dada no mu mpɛn kakra a ɛboro nea woyɛɛ no dapɛn a etwaam no so.
Ɛnyɛ adwene a ɛyɛ fɛ kɛkɛ
Nhwehwɛmu a ɛwɔ ha no gyina pintinn sen sɛnea nnipa hwɛ kwan. Wɔ nhwehwɛmu pii mu no, ayamye a wode ma wo ho a ɛkɔ soro no ne dadwene ne awerɛhow a ɛba fam toatoa, na nhyehyɛe a ɛkyerɛkyerɛ no taa tew ɔbrɛ ne awerɛhow so. Nhwehwɛmu baako a ɛfa ayamye a wode ma wo ho nhyehyɛe ho mpo huu sɛ amanehunu akyi ɔbrɛ ho nsɛnkyerɛnne tew so kɛse, na nhyehyɛe a ɛware boa kɛse. Eyinom mu biara nyɛ ayaresa, na ɛnyɛ anyansamo. Ɛyɛ suban a wobɛsua a ɛwɔ nkɛntɛnso ankasa wɔ sɛnea wote nka so.
Saa fã a etwa to no na ɛsom bo paa. Wɔantwa wo nhata wɔ nne a wode nyinii no ho. Sɛnea woyɛ wo ho wɔ wo simma a emu yɛ den paa mu no, wobetumi akyerɛkyerɛ bio, brɛoo, sɛnea suban biara tumi yɛ.
Bere a ayamye nko ara nnɔɔso
Ayamye a wode ma wo ho yɛ da biara dwumadi, ɛnyɛ ananmusi ma ɔhwɛ bere a wuhia pii. Sɛ nne a ɛyɛ den a ɛwɔ wo mu no ayɛ den ayɛ biribi a ɛte sɛ wo ho tan ankasa, sɛ awerɛhow anaa dadwene atena wo nna so na ɛnnwo, anaa sɛ wuhu sɛ wugye di sɛ anka wo ho bɛyɛ wo fɛ sɛ wonni hɔ a, yɛsrɛ sɛ fa no sɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ fa wo ho kɔ obi nkyɛn, ɛnyɛ sɛ wode wo ho bɛko mu wo nko ara. Dɔkota anaa ɔdwenebofo betumi aboa wɔ akwan a krataakyerɛw dwumadi rentumi, na ahokyere line wɔ hɔ dɔn biara a wuhia onipa a wo ne no bɛkasa seesei ara.
Sɛ wode wo ho kɔ mmoa nkyɛn no nyɛ ayamye a wode ma wo ho nkogu. Ɛyɛ nneɛma a ɛyɛ ayamye paa a wubetumi ayɛ ama wo ho no mu biako.
Mmeae a wonya nimdeɛ fii
- Harvard Health Publishing, 4 ways to boost your self-compassion
- Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley, The Three Components of Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff)
- Mindfulness (PMC), Investigating the Influence of Self-Compassion-Focused Interventions on Posttraumatic Stress: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis