Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Hear each side on its own.
- Reflect back before you respond.
- Ask both the same question.
Nnipa baanu a wo ne wɔn yɛ adwuma redi wɔn ho asɛm, na ɔkwan bi so no, abɛyɛ wo haw. Ebia na ɔbaako fii wɔ ɔkwan no so kan na ɔkaa ne fa kyerɛɛ wo. Ebia wɔn baanu nyinaa ayɛ saa, mmiako mmiako, na nsɛm mmienu no nyɛ sɛ ɛreka asɛm koro no ho hwee. Ɔkwan biara so wote ɔtwe no. Obi nne yɛ ntease kakra. Obi a wo ne no yɛ adɔfo kɛse, anaa wugye no di kɛse, na ɛyɛ pefee sɛ ɔno na wɔadi no bɔne wɔ ha. Wo adwene atɔ baabi dada, na ɔfoforo no nkasaa mpo.
Saa atɔ no na ɛsɛ sɛ wohwɛ. Sɛ woasi gyinae komm dada sɛ hena na ɔteɛ a, wugyae sɛ wobɛyɛ obi a obetumi aboa na wobɛyɛ ɔko no mu hɔfo baako bio. Ɔfa a ɛyɛ den wɔ mfimfini gyina ho no nyɛ kasa no. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛko atia ɔpɛ a ɛyɛ nipasu a ɛtwe wo sɛ fa bɔ ntɛm si gyinae na fa dwo wo ankasa ahohia no.
Mfimfini nkyerɛ sɛ wo ho yɛ nwini, na ɛnkyerɛ nso sɛ wonni adwene biara. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ wobɔ wo adwene to nkyɛn kɔsi sɛ nnipa baanu no nyinaa bɛte nka sɛ wɔate wɔn ankasa, sɛnea biribiara a ɛbɛsi akyi no bɛyɛ ade a wɔn nso wɔ mu na ɛnyɛ atemmu a wode ama wɔn. Harvard panyin adesua dwumadie no ka no pefee: akannifo a mfasoɔ wɔ wɔn so paa wɔ ntawaw mu no yɛ wɔn a wɔmfa ɔfa biara na mmom wɔbɔ mmɔden sɛ wɔbɛhwehwɛ ano aduru a ɛsɔ obiara a ɔwɔ mu no.
Adɛn nti na wo mfimfini gyina ho hia sen wo atemmu
Ebia woteɛ nokware fa nea ɔfaa ase ho. Mpɛn pii no ɛrenhia sɛnea wohwɛ kwan no.
Bere a wofa ɔfa baako, sɛ ɛyɛ brɛoo, sɛ ɛteɛ mpo a, wokyerɛ obiara a ɔrehwɛ no ade fa sɛnea wɔsiesie akasakasa wɔ ha: sɛ wɔbɛkɔ panyin no nkyɛn kan, sɛ wɔbɛyɛ nnaadaa, sɛ wɔbɛyɛ ɔdɔfo no. Onipa a “odi nkɔgu” no ntaa mfi hɔ a wagye adi. Ɔfi hɔ a abufuw wɔ ne mu, na seesei ɔhaw mmienu na ɛwɔ hɔ, deɛ edi kan ne deɛ ɔnnye nhyehyɛeɛ no nni bio. Nnipa nim akannifo atɔ akɔ baabi yiye paa. Nne a ɛyɛ hyew kakra ma onipa baako, asɛmbisa a emu yɛ den ma ɔfoforo no, na dan no asi ate adwene fa wɔ ɔfa a wowɔ so dada.
Mfimfini gyina ho bɔ biribi a ɛso saa ntawaw baako yi ho ban. Ɛma ɔkwan no da hɔ ma nnipa de nneɛma a emu yɛ den ba wo nkyɛn daakye, sen sɛ wɔbɛkata so kɔsi sɛ ɛbɛpae. Saa kwan no nni ahoɔden na ɛfata sɛ wɔbɔ ho ban.
Nea edi kan, hu ntawaw ko a eyi yɛ
Ntawaw nyinaa nyɛ pɛ, na adeyɛ a ɛsa ko baako no ma ko foforo no yɛ den.
Akasakasa bi yɛ nea nhwehwɛmufoɔ frɛ no nwini. Ɛfa adwuma no ankasa ho, bere a wɔahyɛ, ɔkwan no, akontaahyɛde no, hena na ɔkura deɛ. Ntawaw a ɛyɛ nwini taa wɔ mfasoɔ. Amy Gallo, a ɔkyerɛw wɔ Harvard Business Review mu no, kyerɛ sɛ akasakasa a ɛyɛ apɔwmuden a ɛfa adwuma no ankasa ho ma kuw kɔ ne botae ho, na kuw a wɔnni akasakasa biara taa yɛ kuw a nnipa agyae nokwasɛm. Bere a ntawaw no fa adwene ho ankasa no, wo adwuma yɛ mmerɛw. Fa nokwasɛm gu pono so, ma akasa mmienu no nyinaa nya kwan koraa, na mmuae pa no taa pue n’ankasa.
Afei ɔko foforo no nso wɔ hɔ. Ntawaw a ɛyɛ hyew gyina gyidie, gyinapɛn, ne nkɔm a apae so, na ɛmma akontaakrataa mu. Amy Edmondson a ɔfiri Harvard ne ne yɔnko Diana McLain Smith suaa sɛnea eyinom kɔ so na wɔhuu nsɛnkyerɛnne kakra. Nnipa ti akasa koro no ara ntɔkɔ na wɔntu anammɔn baako mpo. Nkɔmmɔ no dan onipa ankasa ho, a wɔbɔ soboɔ a wɔteam na wɔbisa botae kokoa mu. Na hyew no kɔ soro kɔsi sɛ biribi a mfasoɔ wɔ mu rentumi nsi.
Nea enti a saa nsɔnsɔnoeɛ yi ho hia paa: afotuo a ɛyɛ daa sɛ “fa wo adwene si adwuma no nko so na yi atenka fi mu” no yɛ adwuma wɔ ntawaw a ɛyɛ nwini nko ara so. Sɛ wode di dwuma wɔ nea ɛyɛ hyew so a, wobɛhwɛ nnipa a wɔbɔ wɔn ti ase ma nhyehyɛeɛ a ɛyɛ fɛfɛ wɔ nhyiam no mu, afei wɔde anɔ haw ankasa no afi adi tee. Sɛ nea ɛwɔ w’anim no yɛ hyew a, atenka no ne adwuma no. Worentumi ntwa ho nkɔ.
Sɛnea wobɛda mfimfini ankasa
Eyi ne sɛnea mfimfini te wɔ saa bere no mu, bere a nnipa baanu no nyinaa wɔ w’anim na hyew no rekɔ soro no.
- Ne onipa biara kasa ansa na wode wɔn ba bɔ mu. Fa ɔfa biara amanneɛbɔ wɔ ne nko, a ɔfoforo no nni hɔ sɛ ɔbɛtwa mu anaa ɔbɛyɛ ɔyɔ. Woretie sɛ wobɛte ase, ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɔ wɔn aso. Nnipa ka nsɛm a ɛteɛ kɛse bere a wɔnte nka sɛ wɔrebu wɔn atɛn wɔ bere koro mu.
- San ka nea wotee no ansa na woagye so. “Enti, sɛnea wote no, wote nka sɛ wɔapam wo afiri gyinaesi a ɔkaa w’adwuma ho.” Wonnye nto mu sɛ woteɛ. Wode kyerɛ sɛ na woretie ankasa, na ɛno tew hyew no so sen biribiara a wobɛtumi ayɛ.
- Bɔ atenka no din na nnye gyinabea no nto mu. “Mehu sɛnea ɛno aha wo” gye onipa no tom a wonsi sɛ ɔno na ɔadi nkonim. Sɛ wugye atenka tom a, ɛtaa tew so. Sɛ wobu w’ani gu so a, ɛnyini.
- Ma wo nsɛmmisa nyɛ pɛpɛ. Sɛ wobisa onipa baako sɛ ɔnsusu sɛnea ne nsɛm kaa hɔ a, bisa ɔfoforo no saa ara. Nnipa hwɛ eyi yiye, na asɛmmisa baako a ɛnto pɛpɛ betumi asɛe mfimfini a wode ahwɛ so dɔnhwere baako.
- San fa ano aduru no ma wɔn. Wo botae nyɛ sɛ wobɔ atɛmmu. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛboa wɔn ma wɔakyekye biribi a wɔn baanu nyinaa betumi ne atena, efisɛ apam a nnipa ankasa kyekyere no ne nea wɔbɛkɔra so ankasa.
Wɔ eyinom nyinaa mu no, hwɛ wo nipadua. Sɛ wote nka sɛ wo bo refuw, sɛ woregye nnaadaa no, sɛ woreda atɔ baako so a, ɔno ne bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wobrɛ wo ho ase na wotɔ bɔ ansa na woakasa. Wo komm ne dan no mu hyew ho afidie. Saa ara na wo nyiyimu nso teɛ.
Afidie a ɛwɔ ɔfa foforo no
Nkɔgu su bi wɔ hɔ a ɛyɛ sɛ mfimfini nanso ɛnyɛ saa, na ɛfata sɛ wɔbɔ no din.
Ɛyɛ ɔpɛpɛ a ɛyɛ sɛ wɔbɛkyɛ biribiara mmienu pɛpɛ sɛnea obiara bo renpa, sɛ wɔbɛfa ntawaw biara sɛ ntease bɔne a ɔyɛ mmerɛw a nnipa baanu nyinaa hia sɛ wɔbɛhyia mfimfini. Bere bi no ɛteɛ saa. Mpɛn pii no ɛnteɛ saa. Sɛ onipa baako ayɛ bɔne ankasa, abu mmara ankasa bi so, atra ɔhye akɔ biribi a ɔsɛe mu a, ɛnneɛ “afanu nyinaa wɔ asɛm” no nyɛ pɛ, ɛyɛ ɔkwan a wɔfa so guan. Mfimfini ankasa fa adeyɛ no ho, ɛnyɛ nea ɛbɛba no ho. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ obiara nya tie na gyinabea koro no ara sɔ obiara so. Ɛnkyerɛ sɛ wɔbɛyɛ sɛ bɔne ne nokware da tɔ kari pɛ daa.
Nsɔnsɔnoeɛ no pue wɔ nsɛm a emu yɛ den paa no mu. Bere a wɔadi obi atɔntɔ, wɔateetee no, anaa wɔayɛ no ade wɔ ɔkwan a ɛtra kɔ ahobammɔ anaa nneyɛɛ ho asɛm mu a, w’adwuma gyae sɛ mfimfini gyina. Sɛ wo hyɛ “momma yɛn nyinaa nkyɛ pɛpɛ” nkɔmmɔ wɔ hɔ a ɛbɛtumi ayɛ ɔsɛe ankasa, efisɛ ɛbisa onipa a wɔayɛ no bɔne no sɛ ɔne wɔn nni nkitaho fa nneyɛɛ a anka ɛnsɛ sɛ ɔnya da ho. Ɔno ne bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wofi mfimfini hɔ na wode HR anaa obiara a ɔsɔ saa nsɛm wɔ baabi a wowɔ no ba.
Bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wugyae sɛ wo ara wobɛsɔ no
Da biara nhiamu dodonɔ no yɛ wo dea sɛ wode boa. Ebi nyɛ saa, na sɛ wuhu ɔhye no yɛ saa adwuma yi yɛ no yiye fa.
Hwehwɛ mmoa a ɛdɔɔso bere a ntawaw no kɔ so sɔre bio ɛmfa nkɔmmɔ pa dodɔ a woayɛ ho, bere a ɛrekɔ kuw no nkae mu, anaa bere a ɛka biribiara a ɔfa ɔteetee, nyiyimu, anaa obi ahobammɔ ho. Ɛno nyɛ wo nkɔgu sɛ ntɔmgyefoɔ. Ɛyɛ tebea a wɔsii no sɛ ɛbɛhia nnipa baako a ɔwɔ adɔyɛ pa wɔ dan a ɛyɛ komm mu no boro. Ntɔmgyefoɔ a wɔatete no, HR yɔnko, anaa ɔsɔmpanyin a ɔwɔ wo soro wɔ hɔ pɛpɛɛpɛ ma ntawaw a ɛtra nkɔmmɔ a ɛyɛ ɔkwan a wɔahyɛ mu no.
Na hwɛ nea eyinom nyinaa rega wo. Tena mfimfini wɔ afoforɔ ko mu yɛ ade a ɛbɔ obi ahoɔden ankasa, na sɛ wokura pii bere koro, anaa woreda atɔ wɔ wɔn ho a, ɛfata sɛ wofa no asɛm a ano yɛ den wɔ wo ankasa ho. Wobɛtumi ayɛ nea ɔtena pintinn ma afoforɔ na woda so ara hia baabi a wode adesoa no bɛto.
Bere a ɔbɛba a nnipa baanu a wodi wɔn anim adi wɔn ho akasakasa na wote saa atɔ a ɛyɛ ntɛm a emu yɛ den no kɔ onipa baako so a, fa no sɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne na ɛnyɛ gyinaesi. Brɛ wo ho ase. Ma ɔfoforo no nkasa. Su a wobɛtumi ada mfimfini, sɛ ɛyɛ den mpo a, ɔno na wɔn baanu nyinaa da so ara bɛgye no adi bere a eyi bɛba awiei.
Mmeae a wɔfaa nsɛm no
- Harvard Professional & Executive Development, Preventing and Managing Team Conflict
- Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, New Conflict Management Skills: Understand How to Resolve "Hot Conflicts"
- Amy Gallo, Harvard Business Review, How to Encourage the Right Kind of Conflict on Your Team