Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Decide if you want less or none.
- Speak from your side, not their faults.
- Let yourself grieve it, quietly.
Saa asɛm yi nni kaad adidibea. Sɛ ɔdɔ asɛm wie a, obiara a atwa wo ho ahyia nim sɛnea ɛkɔ: ntetewmu nkɔmmɔdi no, nnwom a ɛyɛ awerɛhow no, nnamfo a wɔde aduan ba. Ayɔnkofa a ɛrewie no nni eyinom mu biara. Wonya ntɛkrɛ, kokoam adwene a ɛkyerɛ sɛ biribi a kan no na wode wo ho too so no, seesei ma wo brɛ, anaa dadwen, anaa ketewa sen sɛnea na wote ansa na woreba.
Na esiane sɛ obiara mma wo nhyehyɛkwan nti, wubetumi ayɛ hwee mfe pii. Wokɔ so kɔ hɔ esiane su nti. Wugye nkrasɛm so. Woka kyerɛ wo ho sɛ ɛyɛ pɛ, mpo bere a wote ntam akwan a ɛda onipa yi a kan no na ɔyɛ ma wo ne nea ɔyɛ seesei no ntam no.
Sɛ worekenkan eyi a, wo mu fa bi nim dada. Ɛno nyɛ nokwaredi mu nkogu. Nnipa nyin wɔ ahoɔ ahorow ne akwan ahorow so, na ayɔnkofa a na ɛfata wo wɔ wo mfe aduonu abien no ɛrenfata onipa a woadan ayɛ no. Wowɔ ho kwan sɛ wuhu saa. Wowɔ ho kwan sɛ woyɛ ho biribi a wonnan ɔbɔnefo a ɔwɔ asɛm no mu.
Nea edi kan, di wo ho nokware fa nea wopɛ ankasa ho
Ansa na woayɛ biribiara no, tena asɛmmisa baako ho. Dɛn ankasa na worehwehwɛ wɔ ha?
Nsonsonoe ankasa wɔ hɔ, na sɛ wobɔ din a ɛsesa biribiara a edi akyi. Nhwehwɛmufo a wɔhwehwɛ sɛnea ayɔnkofa hyɛ ase sɛe no ka akwan pii a ɛsono emu biara ho asɛm. Baako ne sɛ wobɛwie ayɔnkofa no koraa. Baako ne sɛ wobɛtwe wo ho, baabi a woda so ara wo no kakra nanso wotwe abɛnabɛn no fam yiye. Nea ɛto so abiɛsa ne sɛ wobɛkyekyɛ mu: woda so ara wɔ onipa no wɔ w’asetena mu wɔ mmeae a ɛda so ara yɛ adwuma no ho, na komm wugyae sɛ wode mmeae a ɛnnyɛ adwuma no bɛba ne nkyɛn.
Nnipa pii susuw sɛ "wie no" kyerɛ ntetewmu a ano yɛ den a ɛda adi. Mpɛn pii no, ɛnte saa. Mpɛn pii no, nea eye sen biara na ɛyɛ nokware sen biara no ne sɛ wobɛsesa ayɔnkofa no su, ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛhyew no.
Enti bisa wo ho:
- Mepɛ sɛ onipa yi fi me asetena mu koraa, anaa mepɛ sɛ menya no kakra nko ara?
- Biribi pɔtee bi wɔ hɔ a ɛsɛee eyi (asɛm a ɛsɛe gyidi, su a ɛbrɛ obi ase) anaa ayera kɛkɛ?
- Mereyɛ ho biribi wɔ bere bɔne baako ho, anaa biribi a ɛyɛ nokware bere tenten ho?
Mmuae no kyerɛ wo ɔkwan a ɛfata. Adamfo a ɔde yaw a wuntumi ntwa mu bɛbrɛ wo no betumi ahia awiei ankasa. Adamfo a moatetew mu kɛkɛ no betumi ahia ahoma no goow a ɛyɛ brɛbrɛ nko ara.
Bere a ayera a ɛyɛ brɛbrɛ yɛ ɔkwan a ɛyɛ nokware
Yɛtaa susuw sɛ akokoduru ade no daa yɛ asɛnnyɛ kɛse no. Ɛnte saa. Ɛtɔ da a awiei a ɛyɛ brɛbrɛ, a obu wɔ mu sen biara no yɛ nea ɛkɔ nkakrankakra, na nhwehwɛmu a ɛfa sɛnea mpanyimfo wie ayɔnkofa ankasa no foa so. Bere a nnipa hwehwɛɛ akwan a yɛfa so wie no, su a na ɛyɛ ade no nyɛ basabasayɛ a ano yɛ den anaa ayera a emu yɛ nwini. Na ɛyɛ goow a ɛyɛ brɛbrɛ a mo baanu yɛ: nkitahodi a ɛnnɔɔso, bere pii wɔ nkrasɛm ntam, nhyehyɛe a wɔyɛ kakra.
Wɔ ayɔnkofa a ano kwan asa, a apirakuru ankasa nni mo mu biara so no, eyi betumi ayɛ ɔkwan a ɛyɛ ɔdɔ sen biara. Worentwe obiara aso. Wugyae sɛ wo ankasa hyɛ ase taa. Woma rhythim no kɔ brɛoo. Wo gye so wɔ ɔdɔ mu bere a wɔn nsa kɔ wo so, nanso wonyɛ abɛnabɛn a ɛnni hɔ bio.
Nanso nsonsonoe wɔ ayera ne nea wɔfrɛ no "ghosting" (a obi yera fi wo so prɛko pɛ) ntam, na ɛho hia. Ghosting yɛ sɛ obi yera fi obi a ɔda so ara reteɛ ne nsa kɔ wo so no so, ɛma ɔyɛ basaa na komm ɛpira no. Ayera a ɛwɔ anuonyam yɛ nea mo baanu yɛ na ɛyɛ brɛbrɛ. Sɛ ɛda adi sɛ wo adamfo da so ara wɔ mu na ɔkɔ so ba a, sɛ woyera fi ne so a, ɛnyɛ brɛbrɛ. Ɛyɛ kwanmma a wɔde ayɛ adɔeyɛ, na wɔbɛte nsonsonoe no.
Bere a ayɔnkofa no hia nkɔmmɔdi ankasa
Awiei bi hia nsɛm. Sɛ na eyi yɛ adamfo a ɔbɛn, obi a ɔaba wo nkyɛn wɔ nneɛma akɛse mu, anaa sɛ ntwabea pɔtee bi wɔ hɔ a sɛ woyera kɛkɛ a ɛbɛma ayɛ den a, nkɔmmɔdi tee no ne ɔkwan a obu wɔ mu sen biara mpo sɛ ɛyɛ den.
Wonni atemmu ka. Worenkyekyere mmara mu asɛm a ɛfa sɛnea wɔdii nkogu ho. Ma ɛnka wo ankasa osuahu ne wo ankasa ahiade ho.
Nneɛma kakra a ɛboa:
- Yi bere a ɛyɛ kokoam, a nhyɛso nni mu. Ɛnyɛ ahohia mfimfini, ɛnyɛ nkrasɛm tiawa so, ɛnyɛ bere a mo mu biako ho nya tɔ no.
- Kasa fi wo fa. "Mahu sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ metwe me ho fi saa ayɔnkofa yi ho" ba mu wɔ ɔkwan a ɛsono "Wo na woma biribiara fa wo ho daa." Baako yɛ nokware. Baako frɛ ɔko.
- Ma ɛnna adi pefee nea worebisa. Kwan kakra. Ɔgye. Nantɛw a ɛyɛ nokware. Asɛm a emu nna hɔ gyaw ɛpono no buebue ɔkwan a etumi pira mo baanu nyinaa akyiri yi.
- Ma wɔn atenka ho kwan. Wɔbɛyɛ awerɛhow, abasaa, anaa abufuw. Wubetumi agyina pintinn na woayɛ adɔe a woannyae ne nyinaa. Wɔn nyɛeɛ yɛ nsɛm, ɛnyɛ ahyɛde.
- Wubetumi ayɛ brɛbrɛ na woawie no bere koro mu. Aseda wɔ nea na ɛyɛ nokware no ho ne ɔhye a emu yɛ den nyɛ akwan a ɛbɔ abira.
Sɛ na ade pa ankasa wɔ ayɔnkofa no mu a, ka. "Wo ho hiaa me, na nea na yɛwɔ no fa kɛse no yɛ nokware" betumi atena "na mintumi nkɔ so nnyɛ eyi" nkyɛn. Mmienu nyinaa betumi ayɛ nokware.
Hye a wobɛto sen sɛ wobɛwie no
Ayɔnkofa a ɛyɛ den biara nhia sɛ ɛbɛwie. Ɛtɔ da a nea wuhia ankasa ne hye, hye a emu da hɔ a ɛfa sɛnea wopɛ sɛ wɔne wo di ho, na ayɔnkofa no betumi atena ase.
Cleveland Clinic kyerɛ hye a ɛyɛ pɛ no mu pefee: ɛda wo ankasa ahiade adi a wommɔ mmɔden sɛ wobɛhwɛ ɔfoforo no so. Ɛyɛ nhyehyɛe a wosi sɛ ɔkwan a wopɛ sɛ wɔfa so wo so, ɛnyɛ hama a wode kyere wɔn su. "Me ne wo renkɔ so nkasa me aware ho bio" yɛ hye. "Sɛ woba akyiri dɔnhwerew biako bio a, mɛkɔ fie" yɛ hye. Wonhyɛ wɔn sɛ wɔnsesa nea wɔyɛ. Woreka nea wobɛyɛ ne nea worenyɛ kyerɛ wɔn.
Hye yɛ ade biribi bere a wode di akyi komm nko ara. Sɛ woka sɛ wobɛkɔ bere a nkɔmmɔdi no dane atirimɔden, na woakɔ so atena hɔ na woagye no a, hye no dane apɛde. Akyiridie ne sɛnea wuhu nea ayɔnkofa no yɛ ankasa. Ebinom bɛsesa na ayɔnkofa no benya akwahosan. Ebinom rentumi, na afei wɔayi asɛmmisa no ano ama wo.
Ma wo ho kwan ma wʼani nya su
Ɔfa a ɛkame yɛ obiara so de bɔ wo kɔkɔ ho ne eyi. Mpo bere a awiei no yɛ nea ɛfata koraa no, mpo bere a wo na wopaw no, etumi yɛ ɛyaw sɛ ɔhye.
Ɛno nyɛ sɛ woresan kɔ asɛm a woasi gyinae ho akyi. Adamfo a ɔbɛn a wuhwere no betumi atɔ wɔ mu te sɛ ɔdɔ ho ntetewmu ara pɛ, na nnipa a ɛka wɔn paa no taa yɛ wɔn a wɔn osuahu a edi kan kyerɛɛ wɔn sɛ wonsiw wɔn ho den atia npo ne gyaee. Su no yɛ nokware, na nea ɛma ɛyɛ den ne sɛ wiase a atwa wo ho ahyia no nhu sɛ ɛyɛ hwere koraa. Ebia worennya nnipa a wɔbɛba. Ebia worennya "wo ho yɛ wo den?" baako mpo. Nnipa bɛfa no sɛ esiane sɛ obiara anwu na obiara annyaw aware nti, biribiara ankɔ so.
Biribi kɔɔ so. Wubetumi anya obi ho anigye na woda so ara nim sɛ na sɛ wugyae no a, ɛyɛ nokware. Mmienu nyinaa wɔ ho kwan sɛ wotena wo mu bere koro mu. Nya boasetɔ wɔ ɛyaw no ho. Ma wo ho kwan kae mmeae pa no a womfa nyɛ nea enti a wobɛsan w’akyi gyinae a wosii no esiane nea enti pa nti.
Na fa wo ho to nnipa a wɔda so ara fata no so. Su a efi ayɔnkofa hwere mu no dwo te sɛ su afoforo a, brɛoo, na wɔn a wɔma wote nka sɛ wo ne wo ho no nkyɛn.
Bere a ɛboro nkradi a ɛyɛ den so
Ayɔnkofa awiei dodow no yɛ awerɛhow na wubetumi atena ase. Wote nka sɛ wʼani abu fam bere bi, woahu wo nan ase, asetena hyɛ baabi no ma bio. Nanso fa wʼadwene si so sɛ duru no annwo. Sɛ wuhu sɛ woremem kɔ awerɛhow a ɛnnwo mu, woretwe wo ho afi obiara ho na ɛnyɛ ayɔnkofa baako no nko, anaa wote nka sɛ hwere no abɔ biribi kɛse a ɛfa wo ankasa bo a wode wo ho di no ho a, ɛno fata sɛ wofa no aniberesoɔ so.
Ayaresafo pa betumi aboa wo asusuw nea enti a saa awiei pɔtee yi bɔɔ wo den saa, titiriw sɛ ɛkanyan apirakuru dada a ɛfa ɔpoo ne gyidi ho a. Sɛ wode wo nsa kɔ saa mmoa no so a, ɛnyɛ sɛnkyerɛnne sɛ wodii ayɔnkofa no ho dwuma bɔne. Ɛyɛ sɛnkyerɛnne sɛ wode ɔhwɛ a ɛsɛ no redi wo ankasa yaw ho dwuma sɛnea wobɛyɛ ama adamfo, nea, awiei koraa no, ɛyɛ adesua a wode begyae ade mu wɔ anuonyam mu no botae nyinaa.
Nsɛm a wɔnyaa firii hɔ
- Cleveland Clinic, How To Set Boundaries in Healthy Ways
- Psychology Today, 7 Strategies People Use to End Friendships (Grant Hilary Brenner, MD)
- Psychology Today, Why Are Some of Us More Affected by Friendships Ending? (Kaytee Gillis, LCSW)
- National Center for Biotechnology Information, Relationship dissolution in the friendships of emerging adults: How, when, and why?