Afotusɛm ntiantia
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Ayɔnkofa no aba awiei. Awofo som no de, ɛnyɛ saa.
Ɛno ne ne su nwonwaso no. Woawie nneɛma, ebia esiane ntease pa nti, ebia akyiri yi a edi nkakrankakra wie no, na seesei wugyina amamfo no mu kura kalenda a ɛsɛ sɛ wo ne onipa baako a na worepɛ sɛ wuguan no kyɛ. Awoda ahorow. Sukuu mu fawmu. Hena na ɔwɔ ɔwa aduru no. Sɛ wɔama no kwan sɛ ɔbɛhwɛ saa nsɛm a wɔto no. Sɛnea wɔahyehyɛ no sɛ ntetewmu yɛ awiei, na akwan pii so ɛyɛ saa. Nanso wowɔ ɔba, enti ɛsan yɛ biribi foforo mfiase, adwumayɛ ho ayɔnkoyɛ a ɛyɛ kwan tenten, mfe pii, a ɛda wo ne obi a wonnɔ no bio na ebia wompɛ no mpo ntam.
Obiara mma wo nhoma a wɔakyerɛw fa ho. Enti momma yɛnka ho asɛm pefee.
Ade baako a ɛho hia sen biara
Sɛ wonkae biribiara a ɛwɔ ha a, kae eyi. Wɔ mmofra dodow no ara fam, ɔsɛe a ɛkɔ akyiri no fi ntɔkwaw a etwa ntetewmu no ho hyia no mu sen ntetewmu no ankasa.
Ɛno yɛ nsɛm a ɛkɔ pɛ a wɔahu wɔ saa nhwehwɛmu ahodwene yi nyinaa mu no mu baako. Amerika Adwene ho Nimdeɛ Kuw (American Psychological Association) ka no pefee, ɔka kyerɛ awofo sɛ wɔmma ntɔkwaw nkɔ akyiri mfi mmofra no ho, na ɛka sɛ mmofra dodow no ara di yiye wɔ bɛyɛ mfe abien a awaregyae akyi. Pii di yiye wɔ akyi sen sɛnea anka wɔbɛyɛ wɔ aware a ntɔkwaw dɔɔso a ennwie da mu. Kenkan no bio sɛ ɛho hia a. Awofo baanu a wɔrekɔ ɔko, na ɔba ahyɛ wɔn ntam, ne nea ɛsɛe ade ankasa. Ntetewmu no ankasa, a wɔde ahwɛyiye yɛ no, yɛ biribi a mmofra dodow no ara fa mu.
Nhwehwɛmu bi a ɛwɔ nhoma a wɔfrɛ no Frontiers in Psychology mu no kyerɛ sɛnea saa ɔko no te wɔ ɔba bi fa. Sɛ mmofra hu ntɔkwaw kɛse wɔ wɔn awofo ntam a, ɛkɔ awiei ma wɔte nka sɛ wɔrentumi mmɛn ɔwofo baako a wɔmma wɔn ho nni wɔn fa no a wɔmpaa baako no. Wɔfrɛ no nokwaredi ntɔkwaw. Fa wo ho to sɛ woadi mfe awotwe na wodɔ nnipa baanu a wɔrentumi ntena dan koro mu, na wote nka sɛ atuu biara a wokyerɛ wɔn mu baako no yɛ nokwaredi a ɛsua a wonni kyerɛ ɔfoforo no. Ɛno yɛ gyinabea a entumi nyɛ yiye. Mmofra a wɔahyɛ mu mfe pii no taa fa adwene ne onipadua mu ahohia ankasa fi mu.
Enti mmofra ntetee mmɔmu botae nyɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ nnamfo. Ebia da bi mobɛyɛ, anaa morenyɛ, na ɛno yɛ. Botae no sua koraa na wobetumi adu ho. Tew ntɔkwaw a ɛsɛ sɛ wo ba tena mu no so. Biribiara a aka no yɛ kakra.
Wo ba nyɛ ɔbɔfo, akwansrafo, anaa otemmufo
Suban kuw pɔtee bi wɔ hɔ a ɛsɛe ade sen biara, na yɛn mu dodow no ara to yɛn nsa kɔ mu baako so a yɛmpɛ saa, titiriw wɔ mfiase bere a yɛapira na yɛn bo afuw.
- Nkrasɛm a wode fa wo ba so. "Ka kyerɛ wo papa sɛ ɔda me ka wɔ sukuu akwantu no ho." Ɛte sɛ nea ɛyɛ ntɛm. Wo ba fam de, ɛte sɛ wɔremia no nnipa baanu a ɔdɔ wɔn ntam. Cleveland Clinic akwankyerɛ no ka no pefee: di nsɛm ho dwuma ne ɔwofo baako no tee, ɛnyɛ ɔba no so.
- Sɛ wobisa wo ba sɛ ɔnka ofie baako no ho asɛm. Hena na ɔbaa hɔ, nea wodii, sɛ ɔhokafo foforo wɔ hɔ anaa. Wo ba sua ntɛm sɛ nimdeɛ yɛ asiane, na ofi ase di wo so dwuma sen sɛ ɔbɛyɛ abofra kwa.
- Wo ka ɔwofo baako no ho asɛm bɔne baabi a wo ba betumi ate. Ahomeguan, ɛnne mu nsakraeɛ, anaa kasakorɔ a wɔka komm sɛ "ampa ne werɛ fii" mpo. Mmofra te no sɛ asɛm a ɛfa wɔn ankasa ho fã.
Amerika Mmofra Yarehwɛ ho Akademi (American Academy of Pediatrics) kyerɛ ɔkwan a apɔwmuden wom no saa: ɛsɛ sɛ awofo boa, na wɔnsɛe ɔwofo baako no awofo tumi, na wɔbɔ ɔba no ho ban fi ntɔkwaw mu sɛnea wobetumi biara. Ɛnsɛ sɛ wususuw sɛ ɔwofo baako no reyɛ adwuma pa. Ɛsɛ sɛ wuyi wo ba fi saa adwene no mfimfini ara kwa.
Eyi yɛ den. Ɛyɛ den ankasa sɛ wobɛka wo tɛkrɛma bere a wo bo afuw na onipa baako no, wɔ w'adwene mu, anya asɛm a ɛyɛ den biara. Yɛ no nso, ma onipa ketewa baako no a ɛsɛ sɛ ɔdɔ mo baanu nyinaa.
Afie abien, nhyehyɛe a etim baako
Mmofra di nsakrae ho dwuma yiye bere a fam a ɛwɔ wɔn ase no tena hɔ sɛnea wonim no. Ntetewmu akyi no, wɔn fam no pii akɔ. Ade baako a ɛbɔ ban sen biara a wubetumi de ama bio ne nhyehyɛe a ɛkɔ so daa.
Ɛno nkyerɛ sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ afie no abien yɛ pɛ. Ɛrenyɛ pɛ. Ɔwofo baako siw mfonini ho kwan kɛse, baako yɛ pancake Kwasiada, baako wɔ akongua pa no. Saa nsonsonoeɛ no, wobetumi atena ase na ɛyɛ papa mpo. Nea ɛboa ne sɛ wɔyɛ nneɛma a ɛkura ɔba no da no pɛ:
- Nhyehyɛe a emu da hɔ a wode wo ho to so, sɛnea wo ba nim baabi a ɔbɛda ne bere a obehu ɔwofo biara bio. Ahodwiriw yɛ ahohia ahorow bi. Kalenda a emu da hɔ no yi saa adesoa no fi wɔn so komm.
- Mmara akɛse a ɛyɛ pɛ kakra, titiriw nnabea, asukuu adwuma a wɔhwɛ kwan, ne ahobammɔ. Daa nneɛma no tumi yɛ soronko. Nneɛma a ɛho hia no kɔ yiye bere a ɛnnan ne ho ankɔneaba wɔ afie no ntam.
- Fawmu a ɛyɛ brɛoo. Sesa a ɛwɔ afie no ntam no taa yɛ baabi a ntɔkwaw fi. Yɛ no tiawa, yɛ no komm, yɛ no wɔ bere ano. Sɛ anim ne anim hyia no mu yɛ den dodo seesei a, fa ma wɔ sukuu anaa fa onipa abiɛsa, na fa nhyehyɛeɛ no si nkrasɛm so.
Amerika Mmofra Yarehwɛ ho Akademi no kyerɛ eyi pɔtee: mmofra di yiye bere a awofo di nkitaho daa na wɔde mmara a ɛyɛ pɛ ma afie no nyinaa. Wonyɛ sɛ wobɛka afie abien abɔ baako bio. Woreyɛ sɛ wobɛma ɔbra a ɛda wɔn ntam no nya banbɔ a wobetumi atwa mu.
Monkasa nkyerɛ mo ho mo ho sɛ adwumayɛfo, ɛnyɛ sɛ awarefo dada
Adwene foforo bi wɔ ha a ɛboa nnipa pii. Wo ne saa onipa yi seesei rehwɛ adwumakuw bi a ɛsua paa, na ɛho hia paa so, na n'ade koro pɛ a ɛyɛ ne ba a wɔdɔ no yiye. Enti, kasa sɛnea wobɛyɛ ne ɔyɔnko a ɔyɛ den wɔ dwumadi bi a ɛho hia dodo a wuntumi mma ennwie no ho.
Ɛno kyerɛ:
- Ma ɛnyɛ ɔba no ho asɛm. Nhyehyɛe, sukuu, akwahosan, mmere. Ayɔnkofa no awie; ɛnsɛ sɛ wobue ano bere biara a mokasa.
- Sɛ atenka kɔ soro a, fa to nkyerɛw mu. Kalenda a wɔkyɛ ne nkrasɛm tiaa a nokware wom kyɛn akyinnyegye a wɔyɛ ɛda hɔ ara. Akyerɛw ma wo bere a wode dwo ansa na woapia send, na ɛgyaw kyerɛw a obiara betumi ahwɛ.
- Yɛ adwumayɛ, ɛnyɛ ɔdɔ na ɛnyɛ ɔtan nso. "Mereka mu sɛ fawmu yɛ nnɔn anum Fida" yɛ nkra a edi mu na eye paa. Wonni adamfofa ka, na ɛnsɛ sɛ wokyerɛ ɔtan nso.
Nna bi wode eyi bedi dwuma fɛfɛɛfɛ. Nna bi wobɛsoma nkrasɛm a abufuw wom na woanu wo ho. Ɛno ne nipasu. Botae no ne ɔhyew a ɛba fam wɔ mfe a wo ba renyin wɔ mu no, ɛnyɛ kyerɛw a ɛho nni dɛm.
Bere a mo ntumi mmom adwuma a, mutumi de mo ho gyina hɔ
Nea ɛwɔ soro nyinaa gyina so sɛ wo ne wo ba ntetee mmɔmuni betumi adi nkitaho a ɛnnan ntɔkwaw. Ɛtɔ da a ɛno nyɛ baabi a mowɔ, ɛ kakra. Asɛmpa no ne sɛ ɛnyɛ nkabom nko ara na ɛbɔ mmofra ho ban. Akyirikyiri nso tumi yɛ.
Ɔkwan bi wɔ hɔ a wɔtaa frɛ no parallel parenting (de gyina hɔ tete ntetee), na ɛho hia sɛ wunim. Sɛ́ moremmom nyɛ adwuma denneennen no, mo baanu mu biara di n'ankasa fie so, ne ankasa kwan so, a nkitaho a moyɛ pɛɛ na nhyehyɛe no ma kwan. Mo gye nneɛma akɛse a wɔrentumi nsesa no ho akyinnye wɔ nkyerɛw mu, nhyehyɛe, ayaresa, asuasua, na afei mommfa mo ho nhyɛ ɔfoforo asɛm mu wɔ biribiara fa. Nnabea ho gyinaepɛ baako mma. Nkasabɔ wɔ ɔfoforo fie ho. Nkitaho tew kɔ nkrasɛm tiaa a nokware wom so, mpɛn pii fa app a wɔkyɛ anaa kalenda so sen sɛ ɛyɛ nkɔmmɔ a wɔrebɔ.
Ɛbɛtumi ate sɛ nkogu sɛ wode wo ho twe akyi saa. Ɛnyɛ saa. Wɔ ɔba fam, afie abien a wɔn ho dwo a wɔatetew mu no ye sen ɔko baako a ɛkɔ so daa wɔ ne nyinaa mu. Nhwehwɛmu no asɛm no kɔ pɛ wɔ eyi ho: ntɔkwaw a ɔba no hu no na ɛyɛ ɔhaw. Sɛ nkitaho a wobɛtew so tew ntɔkwaw so a, nkitaho a wobɛtew so yɛ ɔdɔ adeyɛ. Mmusua pii de parallel parenting yɛ mfiase na wɔn ho yɛ hyew kɔ nkabom kɛse so nyaa-nyaa, sɛnea pira dada no dwo. Ebinom nyɛ saa da, na wɔn mma da so ara di yiye. Emu biara yɛ.
Asɛm bi fa nhokafo foforo ho
Bere bi mu, mo baanu mu baako anaa mo nyinaa bɛkɔ adɔ bio, na ɛha na mmofra ntetee mmɔmu asomdwoe pii hyia sɔhwɛ. Nneɛma kakra taa ma ɛtim.
Ma wo ba bere, na fa ɔhokafo foforo no kyerɛ no nkakrankakra sen sɛ pɛnkoro. Fa saa onipa no si mmoa dibea mu kan, ɛnyɛ ntetee mmɔmuni anaa ɔnteɛsefo. Na bɔ mmɔden, mpo bere a ɛyɛ ade a wompɛ koraa sɛ wobɛyɛ no, sɛ wo nfa sɛnea wote nka wɔ ɔwofo baako no ayɔnkofa foforo no ho no ngu wo ba so. Wamfa, na ɛnsɛ sɛ ɔhwɛ w'atenka a ɛfa ho. Mmara koro no ara a ɛhwɛ biribiara wɔ ha no di dwuma: wo ba tumi dɔ nnipa a wɔwɔ n'asetena mu no a ɛnma ɛnnan w'anigye a ɔrebɔ ka.
Nea ɛsɛ sɛ woka kyerɛ wo ba ankasa
Mmofra de wɔn ankasa nsusuwii hyɛ kommyɛ ma, na wɔn nsusuwii no taa de wɔn ankasa yɛ farebae. Enti nneɛma kakra fata sɛ wobɛka no pefee, bɛboro pɛnkoro, wɔ nsɛm biara a ɛfata w'abusua mu:
- Eyi nyɛ wo mfomso. Ka no pefee. Mmofra gye di komm sɛ ntetewmu no fa wɔn ho ɔkwan bi so. Ɛnte saa, na ɛsɛ sɛ wɔte fi wo nkyɛn tee.
- Wɔama wo kwan sɛ dɔ yɛn baanu. Wode kwan ankasa rema wɔn sɛ wonkura awofo baanu no, na ɛno gyae nokwaredi afiri no ansa na ɛbɛtumi asi.
- W'atenka yɛ. Awerɛhow, abufuw, basabasa, ahotɔ, ne nyinaa. Ade a mfaso wɔ so sen biara a wubetumi ayɛ bere a wo ba werɛ ahow no nyɛ sɛ wobɛma n'ani agye, ɛyɛ sɛ wubetie na woama atenka no ayɛ nokware. Cleveland Clinic afotu wɔ ha ne sɛ tie kɛkɛ na fa di na ɛnyɛ sɛ wode ahopopo bɛsiesie.
- Yɛn baanu nyinaa bɛkɔ so atena ha. Mpanyimfo ntam ayɔnkofa no aba awiei. Ɔwofo ne ɔba ntam ayɔnkofa no de, ɛmmaa awiei. Mmofra hia sɛ wɔtwe saa nsensanee no pefee na mpɛn pii.
Wonhia ɔkasa a edi mu. Wuhia sɛ wobɛyɛ obi a wobetumi adu wo ho, a woka nokware wɔ mmere a ɛfata mfe no mu, na woagyina ho yiye sɛnea wo ba betumi de ne dadwen abrɛ wo sen sɛ ɔbɛsoa no nko ara.
Hwɛ wo ho so, fi w'adwene mu
Wɔtwa saa fã yi gu, na ɛnsɛ sɛ ɛba saa. Wuntumi mfa asomdwoe nhyɛ wo ba asetena mu fi tank a hwee nni mu. Awaregyae anaa ntetewmu yɛ adehwere ankasa, mpo bere a wo na wopɛe no, na wɔama wo kwan sɛ wobedi ho awerɛhow.
Ka wo nipadua nkɔ. Twere wo nnamfo a wɔba no. Kɔ wo nhyiam, di wo aduan, da wo nna. APA ankasa afotu a ɛfa ntetewmu a apɔwmuden wom ho no ka sɛ wobɛhwɛ wo nipadua akwahosan so ne sɛ wobɛsoɛ wo mmoa kuw, ɛnyɛ sɛ ɛyɛ ahofadie nanso sɛ ɛyɛ sɛnea wofa mu kɔ a wo ho da so ara tim. Bere a wo ho atim no, fawmu no kɔ yiye, nkrasɛm no fi mu ba a ɔdɔ wom, na wo ba nya ɔwofo a ɔwɔ biribi a aka a ɔbɛma.
Sɛ adesoa no nntɔ ase, anaa wuhu sɛ abufuw no resɔn wo ba so ɛmfa hwɛ sɛnea wobɔ mmɔden a, ɛno yɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ fa mmoa bra mu, ɛnyɛ atemmu fa wo ho.
Bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wode mmoa pii ba
Mmofra ntetee mmɔmu pii wobetumi ahu sɛnea worekɔ. Ɛbi de, ɛnsɛ sɛ wonko soa.
Sɛ wo ba ayɛ sɛ ɔaka, awerɛhow a ɛkɔ so daa, ɔhaw wɔ sukuu, ɔtwe ne ho fi nnamfo ho, nna anaa adidi a ɛho nteɛ pefee, anaa dadwen a ɛntɔ ase wɔ adapɛn pii mu a, ɛno fata sɛ wo ne ne yarehwɛfo anaa abofra adwene ho ɔboafo bɔ nkɔmmɔ. Afotu wɔ mfiase tumi ma abofra baabi a ɛyɛ dwoodwoo a ɛnnan baako biara a obetumi de atenka a ɔmpɛ sɛ ɔtow gu ɔwofo biara so no ahyɛ.
Sɛ wo ne wo ba ntetee mmɔmuni ntumi ntew ntɔkwaw no so wo ankasa a, abusua adwene ho ɔboafo, mmofra ntetee nhyehyɛfo, anaa ntamgyinafo betumi aboa wo ma woasi nhyehyɛe a ɛbɛyɛ yiye a wonnfa mmofra no nyɛ apam pon. Ntamgyinabɔ, sɛnea APA ka no, taa kɔ yiye ma obiara sen sɛ wɔbɛko wɔ asennii.
Na sɛ tebea no fã biara ka wo ahobammɔ anaa wo ba de ho, ahunahuna, ehuhuw, biribiara a ɛhunahuna wo a, fa nkabom afotu no to nkyɛn na wo ne ɔbenfo anaa mpɔtam hɔ fie mu basabasayɛ ho mmoa fã ho onipa kasa fa sɛnea wobɛbɔ obiara ho ban. Ntɔkwaw kakra mmofra ntetee mmɔmu gyina so sɛ mpanyimfo baanu a wɔn ho yɛ asomdwoe. Sɛ ɛnyɛ baabi a mowɔ a, w'adwuma a edi kan nyɛ asomdwoe. Ɛyɛ ahobammɔ.
Agodie tenten a ɛwɔ ha no yɛ komm sen sɛnea ɛte wɔ adapɛn a emu yɛ den no mu. Worenyɛ saa pira yi daa. Fawmu a ɛyɛ sɛ wuntumi nnyina ano seesei no bɛyɛ deɛ wode wo ho ato so. Na ɔba a ɔda ne nyinaa mfimfini, deɛ woreky n'kalenda kyɛ ma obi a anka wompɛ no, wɔ kwan ankasa sɛ obenyin a ne ho atim na wɔdɔ no, sɛ mo baanu betumi de ɔko no afi ne ho a. Ɛno ne adwuma no nyinaa. Ɛdɔɔso.
Nea efi mu ba
- American Psychological Association, Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible
- Cleveland Clinic, How to Help Your Child After a Breakup or Divorce
- American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org), How to Support Children after Their Parents Separate or Divorce
- Frontiers in Psychology (PMC), Healing the Separation in High-Conflict Post-divorce Co-parenting