Ka mālama ʻana me ke kaikai ʻole i nā mea a pau

Noho kekahi limahana i mua ou a hoʻomaka e uē. Maʻi kāna hoa pili. Ke paheʻe nei ka hana āna e mālama ai, a ke makaʻu nei ʻo ia o hoʻohōʻino iā ʻoe. Hoʻolohe ʻoe. Manaʻo ʻoe i kēlā me kēia huaʻōlelo hoʻomaha. A i kahi wahi o ka hola aʻe, ma hope o ko lākou hoʻi ʻana i ko lākou pākaukau me ka māmā aʻe, ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke kau i kou manaʻo i kekahi mea. Ke noho nei kā lākou makaʻu i loko o kou umauma, a ʻaʻole ia e haʻalele i ko lākou haʻalele ʻana.

Inā ke alakaʻi nei ʻoe i nā kānaka, hiki kekahi ʻano o kēia iā ʻoe i nā manawa a pau. He hui i ka pilikia, he hoʻopau hana āu e haʻi ai, he hoa hana e nahā maopopo ana. Manaʻo ʻia ʻo ʻoe ke kanaka kūpaʻa, ka wahi e kau ai nā manaʻo paʻakikī. No laila omo ʻoe. Lā ma hope o ka lā, kamaʻilio ma hope o ka kamaʻilio, lawe ʻoe i ka pō o nā kānaka a pau a mālama iā ia i loko o kou kino ponoʻī.

A laila i kekahi Pōʻalua ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻohe āu mea i koe e hāʻawi ai, a ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike pono i ke kumu. Ua hana ʻoe i nā mea a pau me ka pono. Ua mālama ʻoe.

ʻO ia ke pahele. ʻAʻole ka pilikia ʻo kou mālama nui loa ʻana. ʻO *ke ʻano* o kou mālama ʻana.

ʻElua mea a kāua e kapa pū ai ʻo ka aloha hāʻawi (empathy)

Aia kahi ʻokoʻa ma lalo o kēia mea a pau, kahi a ʻaneʻole he mea e aʻo ai iā ʻoe, a i kou ʻike ʻana iā ia ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike ʻole hou.

ʻO kekahi ʻano o ka mālama ʻo ka manaʻo pū me kekahi. Lawe ʻoe i ko lākou manaʻo i loko ou a ʻike i kahi ʻano o ia mea. Lilo ko lākou makaʻu i makaʻu nou. Kapa ka poʻe noiʻi i kēia ʻo empathy, ma ke ʻano pōkole, a ʻo ia ke kumu o ka nui o ka pilina kanaka. Aia nō hoʻi ka pōʻino, no ka mea, hiki iā ʻoe ke paʻa wale i kekahi nui o ka ʻeha hōʻaiʻē ma mua o kona hoʻopuni ʻana iā ʻoe.

ʻO kekahi ʻano ʻo ka manaʻo no kekahi. ʻIke maopopo ʻoe i ko lākou ʻeha, hoʻoneʻe ia iā ʻoe, a ʻo ka mea e piʻi mai i loko ou, ʻo ia ke aloha a me ka huki e kōkua, ʻaʻole ka ʻeha ponoʻī. Kokoke ia i ka mea a ka poʻe noiʻi e ʻī ai ʻo ka aloha mōhai (compassion). Noho paʻa ʻoe i kou kino ponoʻī i kou huli ʻana i ko lākou.

Kani me he pāʻani huaʻōlelo lā kēia. ʻAʻole. Ua kau ka mea noiʻi lolo ʻo Tania Singer a me kāna hoa ʻo Olga Klimecki i nā kānaka i loko o nā mīkini nānā lolo a nānā i ka mea i hana i ko lākou hōʻike ʻia ʻana i ka ʻeha o kekahi ma kēia mau ala ʻelua. I ka noho ʻana o nā mea hana i ka empathy ʻōiwi, ua hoʻā ka ʻike ʻana i ka ʻeha i nā kelepona ʻeha a makaʻu o ka lolo ponoʻī, a ua hōʻike nā kānaka i ka ʻano ʻino aʻe, hoʻopau ʻia aʻe, makemake e huli aku. I ke aʻo ʻia ʻana o ka poʻe like i ka aloha mōhai, ua hana ʻē. Ua neʻe ka hana i nā ʻupena pili i ke aloha, ka launa, a me ka uku. Ua hoʻomaha ko lākou helehelena. Ua hōʻike lākou i ka manaʻo *maikaʻi* i ka nānā pololei ʻana i ka ʻeha o kekahi, a ua makemake lākou e neʻe kokoke aku, ʻaʻole e holo.

ʻIke ʻia, ʻaʻole kēia he ʻelua ʻano o ka mea hoʻokahi. Holo lākou ma nā mīkini kaʻawale o ka lolo.

No laila he kapa hewa iki ʻo ka "compassion fatigue"

Ua lohe paha ʻoe i ka ʻōlelo ʻo compassion fatigue, a ua ʻike ʻoe iā ia. He ʻoiaʻiʻo ka māluhiluhi. Kuhikuhi ka inoa i ka mea hewa.

ʻAʻole ka aloha mōhai ka mea e hoʻopau ai i nā kānaka. ʻO ia ka mea a kekahi poʻe noiʻi e kapa nei ʻo empathic distress, ka piha mai ka omo ʻana i ka manaʻo me ka ala ʻole e hoʻokuʻu aku ai. ʻO ka aloha mōhai, ke ʻano wela a hana, hiki ke pale i kēlā piha. He kūlana hoʻāhu hou ʻia. ʻAʻole ʻo ke ʻano luʻu o ka empathy.

Hoʻololi kēia i kekahi manaʻoʻiʻo a ka nui o nā alakaʻi haʻahaʻa e lawe ai me ka nānā ʻole: i kanaka mālama, pono ʻoe e ʻeha pū me nā kānaka a pau āu e alakaʻi ai. Inā ʻaʻole lilo ko lākou ʻeha i ʻeha nou, he anuanu ʻoe. Ke hana nei ia manaʻoʻiʻo i ka mea kūʻē i kou manaʻo. Ke hoʻohakahaka mālū nei ia iā ʻoe, a ʻaʻole hiki i kahi alakaʻi i hoʻohakahaka ʻia ke kū paʻa no kekahi.

No ke aha ʻaʻole noho kou piha iā ʻoe

Aia kekahi kumu kūpono e koʻikoʻi ai kēia ma waho o kou olakino ponoʻī, a maʻalahi ke nalo i kou luʻu ʻana i ka omo.

Hele ka manaʻo ma loko o kahi hui. Heluhelu nā kānaka i kekahi i kekahi, ma lalo o ka manaʻo maopopo, a nānā nui lākou i ka mea a lākou e ʻike ai ʻo ke alakaʻi. Hoʻonoho kou kūlana i kahi kahua e hōʻaiʻē ai ka lumi. I kou piha ʻana i ka makaʻu hōʻaiʻē āu i hana ʻole ai, ʻaʻole ia e noho paʻa i loko ou. Kahe ia. ʻO ka paʻa o kou ā, nā pane pōkole, ka ikehu pīhoihoi i kahi hālāwai, hopu ka hui i ia mau mea a paʻa mālū.

No laila ʻaʻole ʻo ka lawe nui he uku āu e uku malū ai wale nō. Hāʻawi kahi alakaʻi e holo ana i ka empathic distress i kahi kāhea haʻahaʻa i nā kānaka a pau a puni iā ia, ʻo ia ka mea kūʻē i ko lākou makemake ma ka omo ʻana ma mua. Hōʻea mau ka noiʻi no ka alakaʻi aloha mōhai i ka manaʻo like: i ka manawa e mālama maoli ai nā alakaʻi i ko lākou a me ko lākou poʻe olakino, hoʻi wikiwiki nā hui mai nā hāʻule, hilinaʻi kekahi i kekahi, a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka hana. ʻO ka aloha mōhai e komo ai ʻoe, ʻaʻole ia he hoʻomaikaʻi iā ʻoe iho wale nō. He kaikai ia no ka hui holoʻokoʻa.

ʻO ka makana kūpaʻa loa āu e hāʻawi ai i kahi hui, ʻo ia he alakaʻi i ʻō maoli i ka mea paʻakikī ma kahi o ke kaikai ʻana iā ia me ka ʻē hapa.

Ke ʻano o kēia i kahi kamaʻilio maoli

ʻO ka neʻe mai ka manaʻo-pū i ka manaʻo-no he mea i loko ka hapa nui, akā hoʻololi ia i kou ʻano ma nā ʻano maopopo.

I ka lawe ʻana mai o kekahi i kāna mea paʻakikī loa, e ʻike i ka huki e hui pū me ia, e hoʻohālikelike i ko lākou pīhoihoi me kou ponoʻī, e hoʻomaka e hoʻoponopono a makaʻu pū me lākou. A laila e hana i kekahi mea mālie aʻe. E mālama i kou mau wāwae ma ka papahele. E noho i loko o kou hanu ponoʻī. E hoʻokuʻu iā ʻoe e hoʻoneʻe ʻia me ka lawe ʻia ʻole.

He mau mea e kōkua ai i ka manawa:

• E hoʻolohe e maopopo, ʻaʻole e omo. ʻO kāu hana ka hana iā lākou e ʻike ʻia ai a noʻonoʻo maopopo no ka mea e pono ai lākou aʻe. ʻAʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i ka ʻāpana lua inā ua luʻu ʻoe i ka mua.
• E nīnau ma mua o kou lawe ʻana. "He aha ka mea e kōkua maoli ai i kēia manawa, ka hoʻolohe, nā manaʻo, a he minuke wale e haʻi ai?" Pinepine, ʻaʻole pono nā kānaka iā ʻoe e lawe i ke kaumaha. Pono lākou i kahi ʻike maka. ʻO ka lawe ʻana i ka mea a lākou i makemake wale ai e lohe ʻoe, ʻo ia ke ala e piha ai ʻoe.
• E mālama i ke kanaka, a laila e hana i ka pilikia. ʻO ka empathy e kū wale i ka manaʻo hiki ke waiho iā ʻolua i ke paʻa. ʻŌlelo pololei ka noiʻi no ka alakaʻi aloha: heluhelu ʻia ka wela me ka hana hope ʻole ma ke ʻano he hakahaka. Hoʻopau ka aloha mōhai i ka ʻōlelo ma ka hana ʻana i kekahi mea, he mea liʻiliʻi paha.
• E hoʻokuʻu i ka manaʻo e holo aku ma loko ou. Ma hope o kahi kamaʻilio koʻikoʻi, e hoʻomaha ma mua o ka mea aʻe. He hele wāwae i ka puka makani. ʻElua hanu mālie. Ke hoʻokuʻu nei ʻoe i ko lākou manaʻo e neʻe ma loko ou ma kahi o ka noho ʻana i loko ou.

E ʻike, ʻaʻole kēia he anuanu aku ma mua o kāu hana ma mua. He wela aku, he kūpaʻa aku, no ka mea, aia nō kekahi mea i ka home i loko ou e mālama ai.

ʻAʻole nā palena ke kūʻē i ka wela

Aia kahi makaʻu mālie ma lalo o ka nui o ka lawe nui: ʻo ka paʻa ʻana i kekahi laina e lilo ai ʻoe i kanaka ʻino. He alakaʻi maikaʻi ke kanaka e loaʻa mau ai, e omo pau ʻole ai, he ipu hohonu ʻole no nā lā paʻakikī o nā kānaka ʻē aʻe.

Maopopo iā Amy Edmondson, nāna i aʻo no nā ʻumi makahiki i ka mea e palekana ai nā hui e ʻōlelo aku, ʻaʻole like ka palekana noʻonoʻo me ka palupalu a me ka palena ʻole. Hui nā hui palekana loa i ka pololei a me ka mālama me ke ʻano paʻa a me nā manaʻolana maopopo. Hiki i nā kānaka ke lawe i ko lākou kino holoʻokoʻa a ʻike nō hoʻi i nā kihi. ʻAʻole he ʻenemi ka wela a me nā palena. Kālele kekahi i kekahi.

Ma ka hana, ʻo ia hoʻi ʻaʻole ia he kumakaia o kou hui ke:

• Hoʻoholo i kāu mea e paʻa ai a me ka mea no kahi loea. He luna ʻoe, ʻaʻole he loea olakino noʻonoʻo. ʻAʻole pono ʻoe ma ke ʻano he luna mālama e hāʻawi i ke kōkua olakino, a hiki i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana ke hōʻino iā ʻolua.
• E mālama i kekahi mau hola kahi e hiki ʻole ai ke kiʻi ʻia ʻoe, i loaʻa kekahi mea i koe no nā manawa e pono maoli ai iā ʻoe.
• E kuhikuhi i kekahi i ke kōkua maoli i ka manawa ʻoi aku kona pono ma mua o ka wahi hana. "Mālama au iā ʻoe, a kani kēia me he mea ʻoi aku ma mua o kaʻu mea hiki ke kākoʻo pono. Ua hiki anei iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio me kekahi, kou kauka, he kūkākūkā, ka laina kōkua limahana?" ʻAʻole ia ʻōlelo he haʻalele. He aloha ia me ka pahuhopu maikaʻi.

He alakaʻi me nā palena, he alakaʻi e kū mau ana i ʻeono mahina mai kēia. ʻO ia mau ʻana he ʻano mālama ponoʻī.

Nā hōʻailona mua o kou hala ʻana i ka piha

ʻAʻole ʻike ka hapa nui o nā kānaka e hoʻopau ʻia mai ka mālama i kona hiki ʻana mai, no ka mea, he lohi ka pahē a hanohano ke kumu. Ke noho wale nei ʻoe no nā kānaka. ʻO wai ka mea e hoʻohewa i kēlā?

Aia ka hōʻailona pinepine i nā hoʻololi liʻiliʻi ma mua o ka hāʻule. Hoʻomaka ʻoe e ʻike i kahi ʻomoʻomo o ka makaʻu i ka puka ʻana mai o kekahi inoa ma kāu kālena. Maʻe iki ʻoe i nā kamaʻilio i hoʻoneʻe mua iā ʻoe, e ʻae poʻo ana a ua haʻalele kekahi mea i loko ou. ʻIke ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e huhū ana ma ka home no ka mea ʻole, a poʻowale paha, a hiki ʻole ke hoʻōki i ka hoʻokani hou ʻana i ka pilikia o kekahi i ka hola ʻelua o ke kakahiaka. Ua hoʻomaka paha ʻoe e ʻalo i nā kānaka e pono ai iā ʻoe, ʻo ia ka ʻāpana e lawe mai i ka hewa.

ʻAʻohe o kēlā e ʻōlelo ana ua hoʻōki ʻoe i ka noho ʻana he kanaka maikaʻi. Hōʻike ia ua holo ka omo ma mua o kou hiki ke hoʻomaʻemaʻe, a ke hoʻāʻo nei kou ʻōnaehana e mālama iā ia iho ma ke ala wale nō āna i ʻike ai, ma o ka pani ʻana i ka manaʻo holoʻokoʻa. ʻO ia poʻowale he uahi kuhikuhi, ʻaʻole he hoʻoholo.

I kou hopu mua ʻana i kēlā mau hōʻailona, ʻaʻole pinepine ka hoʻoponopono ʻo ka mālama emi. ʻO ia ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana i nā mea e mau ai ka mālama: ka hoʻomaha, ke kōkua nou ponoʻī, ka ʻike maopopo aʻe i kāu mea e paʻa ai, a me ka ʻae ʻana e hāʻawi aku i ka mea ʻaʻole nou.

Ka mana ou e mau ana

ʻAʻole ka pahuhopu ka manaʻo emi. ʻO ia ka hoʻōki ʻana i ka huikau ʻana i ka holoi ponoʻī me ka lokomaikaʻi.

Hiki iā ʻoe ke lilo i ke kanaka a kou hui e hilinaʻi ai me ko lākou lā ʻino loa me ka uku ʻole me kou kūpaʻa ponoʻī. Hana ʻoe iā ia ma ka noho ponoʻī ʻana i kou huli ʻana iā lākou, ma ka hana ʻana i kāu mea e manaʻo ai ma kahi o ka noho wale i loko ona, ma ka mālama ʻana i nā laina e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke kū mau. ʻAʻole ka wela e pau ana he ʻano mālama kiʻekiʻe. He ʻula wale ia āu i poina e hānai.

I ka holo loa ʻana o ka omo, i ka manawa e haʻalele ʻole ai ka makaʻu i ka pau o ka lā, i kou poʻowale i nā kānaka āu i mālama mua ai, a ke ʻohumu nei ʻoe, a ke makaʻu nei ʻoe i kēlā me kēia hālāwai pākahi, e mālama i kēlā ma ke ʻano he ʻike, ʻaʻole he hewa ʻano. E kamaʻilio me kou kauka ponoʻī a he loea olakino noʻonoʻo. E hilinaʻi i ka poʻe hiki ke paʻa *iā ʻoe* no kekahi manawa. ʻO ka mea aloha loa āu e hana ai no nā kānaka a pau e kālele ana iā ʻoe, ʻo ia ka hōʻoia ʻana ʻaʻole nalo mālū ka mea e mālama ana.

Hiki iā ʻoe ke mālama i kou naʻau holoʻokoʻa i kēia hana. Mai hāʻawi wale iā ia ʻāpana ma ʻāpana a hiki i ka pau ʻana no nā kānaka āu e aloha maoli ai, me ʻoe iho.

Nā kumu

• PubMed (Cerebral Cortex), Functional neural plasticity and associated changes in positive affect after compassion training
• PubMed Central, Whither compassionate leadership? A systematic review
• Harvard Business Review, How to Sustain Your Empathy in Difficult Times
• Mind Tools, Expert Interview with Amy Edmondson on Psychological Safety