Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Look up when they make a comment.
- Say the grateful thought out loud.
- After a fight, reunite before relitigating.
Ebia woate ne twe no. Baabi wɔ hɔ no, onipa a ɔteɛ no wɔ hɔ, deɛ ɔhyia a ɔhaw nni mu, deɛ ɔbɛma eyinom nyinaa ayɛ mmerɛw. Enti bere a ɔdɔ yɛ den, bere a wo ne obi a wo ho ka no ankasa kɔ so kohyia akasakasa korɔ no, nne ketewaa bi fi ase bisa asɛmmisa a ɛnteɛ. Ɛnyɛ "ɛyɛ dɛn na yɛsiesie eyi," na mmom "ebia eyi nyɛ onipa korɔ no."
Saa nne no wɔ din wɔ nhwehwɛmufoɔ mu. Adwene ho abenfoɔ frɛ no nkrabea gyedie: adwene komm a ɛse sɛ wɔahyɛ nnipa mmienu ato hɔ sɛ wɔnka bom anaa wɔnnka bom, na ɛsɛ sɛ ahokafa a ɛteɛ no yɛ adwuma kɛkɛ. Ɛte sɛ nea ɛho nha. Ɛyɛ adwene a agye din kɛse a yɛwɔ a ɛfa ɔdɔ ho. Na ɛma nnipa pii ɔdɔ yɛ den, ɛnyɛ mmerɛw.
Eyi nyɛ asɛm a ɛtia ɔdɔ. Ɛyɛ asɛm a ɛboa ɔdɔ a ɛsono na ɛtim.
Akwan mmienu a wɔfa so gye ɔdɔ di
Adwene ho ɔbenfo C. Raymond Knee ne ne mfɛfoɔ de mfeɛ pii sua nsɛm a nnipa kura wɔ abusuabɔ ho, na wohunuu sɛ nsɛm no taa kyɛ akuw mmienu mu.
Baako ne nkrabea gyedie. Nnipa a wɔwɔ adwene yi mu kɛse no fa ahyiae sɛ ɛyɛ ade a wuhu, te sɛ nokwasɛm a ɛtim wɔ awarefoɔ ho. Mohyia anaa monhyia. Ɔhaw a ɛba ntɛm no kyerɛ kɔkɔbɔ, adansedeɛ a ɛkyerɛ sɛ ebia woapaw bɔne.
Ɔfoforɔ no ne nyiniɛ gyedie. Nnipa a wɔwɔ adwene yi mu kɛse no hu abusuabɔ sɛ ade a wɔkyekyere wɔ bere mu. Ɔhaw nyɛ atemmuo a ɛfa sɛ moka bom anaa monnka bom. Ɛyɛ nnipa mmienu a wɔyɛ soronko a wɔresua wɔn ho wɔn ho adwuma a ɛyɛ daa.
Yɛn mu pii kura wɔn mmienu kakra. Nanso nea wode wo ho to so, titiriw bere a nsɛm yɛ den, no kyerɛkyerɛ deɛ wobɛyɛ akyiri. Knee nhwehwɛmu hunuu sɛ nnipa a wɔwɔ nyiniɛ gyedie a ɛyɛ den no taa di akasakasa ho dwuma kɛse, wɔtena hɔ wɔ wɔn bo a wɔahyɛ mu bere a hokafoɔ ansi gyinabea pa bi ho, na wogyina ahonimtoɔ a ɛrentumi ntwe wɔn ho yiye. Nkrabea gyedifoɔ deɛ, wɔyɛ ntɛm de bere a emu yɛ den bu sɛ ɛyɛ sɛnkyerɛnneɛ a ɛkyerɛ sɛ wɔnhyia ankasa, na wɔyɛ ntɛm kɔ ɛpono no ano.
Eyi ne firi a ɛwɔ ɔkra hokafoɔ asɛm no mu. Ɛhyɛ sɔhwɛ a ɔdɔ ankasa rentumi ntwam da. Ɔdɔ ankasa fa onipa a ɔwe ade dede, ɔto aba a ɛnteɛ wɔ ahohuru afidie ho, na ɔtaa pira wo komam a ɔnkae. Sɛ wo ankasa wo nkyerɛaseɛ a ɛfa "onipa korɔ no" yɛ obi a ɔremfa ɔhaw mma da a, awieeɛ no wobɛbu sɛ obiara nyɛ deɛ ɛteɛ no.
Deɛ nhwehwɛmu atenten no hunuu ankasa
Sɛ ahyiae nyɛ ahintasɛm no a, ɛnneɛ ɛyɛ dɛn?
Ɛyɛ saa a, ɛboa sɛ wobɛhwɛ awarefoɔ a wodii nkonim no. Nhwehwɛmufoɔ John Gottman ne ne mfɛfoɔ de mfeɛ pii hwɛɛ awarefoɔ ankasa a wɔredi nkitahodie wɔ sɔhwɛdan mu, na afei wɔdii wɔn akyi mfeɛ pii sɛ wobehunu wɔn a wɔkaa bom ne wɔn a wɔtetewee. Wɔ saa nsɛm a wɔtwerɛeɛ no mu no, wotumi hyɛɛ nkɔm, a ɛyɛ pɛpɛɛpɛ a ɛyɛ nwonwa, awareɛ a ɛbɛtra hɔ.
Nea ɛtwa awarefoɔ a wɔyɛɛ yiye no fii wɔn a wɔtetewee no ho nyɛ sɛnea wɔhyia, anaa sɛnea wɔantaa anko. Awarefoɔ a wɔyɛɛ yiye no nso koeɛ. Nsonsonoeɛ no ne ɔdɔ ne ɔhaw ntam pɛsenmu. Wɔ abusuabɔ a ɛtim na anigye wɔ mu mu no, mmerɛ pa dɔɔso sen mmerɛ bɔne bɛyɛ enum kɔ baako so, mpo wɔ akasakasa mfimfini. Nsiesie sɔhwɛ. Aseresɛm kakra. Nsa a ɛda abasa so. "Ebia woka nokware" ketewaa bi.
Gottman kyerɛkyerɛɛ hokafoɔ ahorow mmienu mu. Ebinom hwehwɛ wɔn abusuabɔ mu deɛ wɔbɛkamfo, na wɔka no kasa mu. Afoforɔ hwehwɛ mfomsoɔ, a wɔbu deɛ wɔn hokafoɔ yɛ no bɔne nkontaa daa. Kuw a edi kan no kyekyere adɔeɛ akoraeɛ a ɛsoa wɔn fa bere a emu yɛ den mu. Nea ɛtɔ so mmienu no hwie no gu komm.
Hwɛ sɛnea eyi yɛ adwene a ɛsesa ade komm. Emu biara nnyina sɛ wahu ahyiae a ɛyɛ pɛ. Ɛyɛ suban ahorow bi. Suban a wobetumi asua, a obi a wodɔ no dada.
Nneɛma nketewa no ne nneɛma akɛseɛ no
Gyedie bi a ɛhwehwɛ adwene wɔ hɔ a ɛse wɔde nneyɛeɛ akɛseɛ na ɛkora ɔdɔ so: akwantuo a wɔanhwɛ kwan, bɔnefakyɛ a ɛyɛ den, afirihyia da a ɛma afoforɔ ani bere. Adansedeɛ no kyerɛ baabi a ɛyɛ brɛoo.
Wɔ nsɛm bi a wɔde maa Greater Good Science Center a ɛwɔ UC Berkeley mu no, abusuabɔ nhwehwɛmufoɔ Suzann Pileggi Pawelski ne James Pawelski kyerɛkyerɛ sɛnea awarefoɔ a wɔtim no hwɛ mmerɛ a ɛyɛ daa no so adrebɔ so sen sɛ wɔbɛtwɛn ama atenka akɛseɛ aba wɔn ankasa. Adwene baako a wɔyi adi a ɛyɛ pefee a wobetumi de atare frigye so ne sɛ: awarefoɔ a nnipa mmienu no nyinaa hu na wɔda anuonyam adi daa wɔ deɛ ɔfoforɔ yɛ ho no, wɔn ho hia kɛse sɛ wɔbɛka bom.
Ɛno ne fa a ɔkra hokafoɔ atorɔsɛm no te no abɔnten. Ɛka kyerɛ wo sɛ adwuma no ne sɛ wobɛhwehwɛ onipa a ɔteɛ, na sɛ woyɛ saa pɛ a, ɔdɔ no hwɛ ne ho so. Nhwehwɛmu no kyerɛ sɛ ɔdɔ no ne adwuma no. Ɛnyɛ adwuma a ɛyɛ awerɛhoɔ a anigye nni mu. Ɛyɛ deɛ ɛyɛ ketewaa a ɛyɛ daa no.
Nneɛma kakra a ɛma nsakraeɛ ankasa:
- Dane fa wɔn so, ɛnyɛ wɔn akyi. Bere a wo hokafoɔ ka anomaa a ɔyɛ nwonwa a ɔwɔ abɔnten ho asɛm anaa ɔteɛ mu hu wɔ ne email no ho a, ɛyɛ abisadeɛ ketewaa a ɔrebisa w'adwene. Sɛ wopagya w'ani na wubua, mpo bere tiawa, no yɛ akoraeɛ a wode to so a wode wo ho to so paa.
- Ka anuonyam asɛm no wɔ kasa mu. Adwene a ɛse "mewɔ tirinkwa sɛ menya wɔn" no nyɛ hwee sɛ ɛtena wo tirim. Aseda ka bere a edu ɔfoforɔ no so.
- Fa nsiesie sɛ ɔdom, ɛnyɛ atemmuo. Akasakasa akyiri, asɛmmisa a ɛho hia no nyɛ hena na ɔdii nokware. Ɛyɛ sɛ wubetumi asan abom wɔ ayamyeɛ mu anaa. Awarefoɔ a wɔsiesie yiye no nyɛ wɔn a akasakasa nni hɔ. Wɔyɛ wɔn a wɔsan bom yiye.
- Susu sɛ adwene pa wɔ hɔ bere a wubetumi. Wobetumi akenkan ɔsom a wo werɛ afi korɔ no sɛ "wɔmfa wɔn ho nha" anaa "na wɔadi da bɔne." Hokafoɔ a wɔwɔ nyiniɛ adwene no taa paw nkenkan a adɔeɛ wɔ mu, na ɛno na ɛtaa yɛ nokware kɛse.
Faako a eyi de wo gyae
Sɛ woyɛ ɔbaakofoɔ a, asɛmpa a ɛma wode wo ho ne sɛ worenhwehwɛ ahyiae a sintɔ nni mu a ɛbɛma ɔdɔ ayɛ a brɛguo nni mu. Worehwehwɛ obi a ɔwɔ ayamyeɛ, ɔpɛ, na ɔrekɔ baabi a ɛbɛn baabi a worekɔ, obi a wopɛ sɛ wo ne no kyekyere. Ahyiae yɛ nokware, nanso ɛte sɛ nsa pa a wode fi aseɛ sen bɔ a wɔahyɛ. Agorɔ no wɔ sɛnea mo mmienu bedi ho dwuma mu.
Sɛ wo ne obi wɔ hɔ dada na saa nne ketewaa a ɛyɛ adwene no ahyɛ aseɛ rebɔ no a, ɛho hia sɛ wuhu sɛ adwennwen no ankasa nyɛ sɛnkyerɛnneɛ a ɛkyerɛ sɛ woapaw bɔne. Ɛyɛ ade a ɛyɛ daa wɔ ɔdɔ a wode dɔ onipa ankasa wɔ bere mu mu. Adeyɛ a apɔmuden wɔ mu sen no taa ne sɛ wobɛdane akɔ abusuabɔ no so na woahwɛ so, ɛnyɛ sɛ wobɛkɔ so ahwɛ sɛ onipa no du onipa a ɔyɛ pɛ a wofa no nkomam no so anaa.
Na ɛtɔ da bi a mmuaeɛ a ɛyɛ nokware no yɛ den. Sɛ wobɛhwɛ abusuabɔ so no nte sɛ sɛ wobɛgyina bi a ɛpira wo ano. Sɛ wote nka sɛ wusuro wo hokafoɔ, wɔdi wo so, wɔbrɛ wo ase, anaa wonni ahobammɔ a, ɛno nyɛ nyiniɛ ho ɔhaw a wobɛyɛ ho adwuma wo nko ara, na aseda nkrataa biara rensiesie. Ɛyɛ bere a ɛsɛ sɛ wonya mmoa ankasa, fi obi a wode wo ho to no so, awarefoɔ anaa ankorankoro ho ɔbenfo a wɔama no laisɛnse, anaa mmoa ahomakoma nne a wɔde sie. Sɛ wopɛ ade a ɛsen deɛ abusuabɔ no de ma wo seesei no a, ɛnyɛ ɔdɔ ho nkogu. Ebetumi ayɛ adeyɛ a adɔeɛ wɔ mu paa a wobɛyɛ.
Atorɔsɛm no hyɛ onipa korɔ a ɔyɛ pɛ ho bɔ. Nokware a wɔde ma no yɛ sen, na ɛwɔ hɔ ma nnipa pii: ɔdɔ a ɛtra hɔ yɛ ade a nnipa mmienu a wɔyɛ daadaa a wɔnyɛ pɛ yɛ no boapa, kakra wɔ bere mu, denam sɛ wɔbɛkɔ so wɔ ayamyeɛ mu bere a anka ɛrenyɛ saa no na ɛbɛyɛ mmerɛw no so.
Mmeae a wonya nsɛm fii
- The Gottman Institute, The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science
- Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships, Implicit Theories of Relationships: Destiny and Growth Beliefs
- Greater Good Science Center (UC Berkeley), How Science Can Help Your Love to Last