Afotusɛm ntiantia
- When they reach out, look up and answer.
- Protect one shared thing with no agenda.
- Ask what's been on their mind lately.
Baabi wɔ abusuabɔ tenten mu, ade a ɛyɛ nwanwa betumi asi. Mo da so yɛ ahokafoɔ. Mokyekyɛ ka, mohyehyɛ kalenda no, wubisa sɛ onipa foforɔ no kaee ade no anaa. Na wuhu sɛ wuntumi nkae bere a etwa to a mo ankasa monyaa anigyeɛ wɔ mo ho mu, sɛnea anka wobɛyɛ ne adamfo a w'ani gye ho sɛ wuhu no.
Eyi taa ba sen sɛnea nnipa gye to mu. Ɛnkyerɛ sɛ ɔdɔ no kɔ. Ɛtaa kyerɛ sɛ adamfofa a ɛda ɔdɔ no ase no ayɛ komm kakra, a wɔde nhyehyɛeɛ ne ɔbrɛ ne nneɛma tenten a ɛsɛ sɛ wɔyɛ asie so. Asem pa no ne sɛ adamfofa no ne ɔfa a wobɛtumi asan akyekye, na ɛno ne ɔfa a ɛho hia paa ma sɛ adeɛ no nyinaa bɛtena hɔ anaa.
Adamfofa no ne fapem no, ɛnnyɛ akyɛdeɛ
Suban bi wɔ hɔ a ɛyɛ adamfofa a ɛwɔ abusuabɔ mu sɛ akyɛdeɛ a ɛyɛ fɛ. Ɔdɔ no ne adeyɛ titiriw; sɛ moyɛ nnamfo no yɛ hopena a ɛyɛ anika sɛ wonya tirimnsamu. Nhwehwɛmu no kyerɛ ɔkwan foforɔ.
Bere a sika ho nimdefoɔ Shawn Grover ne John Helliwell hwɛɛ apɔmuden ho nsɛm a efiri awarɛfoɔ mpempem nkyɛn no, wohui sɛ awareɛ anigyeɛ nkɔso no yɛ kɛse bɛyɛ mmienu ma nnipa a wɔbɔɔ wɔn hokafoɔ din sɛ wɔn adamfo pa paa no. Mmienu. Awareɛ nkyerɛwde a ɛwɔ krataa no so yɛ koro wɔ tebea mmienu no nyinaa mu. Adamfofa a ɛwɔ mu no na ɛreyɛ apagyaeɛ no dodoɔ.
Abusuabɔ ho nhwehwɛmufoɔ John Gottman, a ɔde mfe pii hwɛɛ awarɛfoɔ ankasa wɔ lab mu no, baa gyinaeɛ koro firi baabi a ɛyɛ soronko koraa. Wɔ ne nhwɛsoɔ mu no, adamfofa a emu dɔ ne fapem a abusuabɔ no nyinaa gyina so, ade a gyidie, ahofamu, ne ɔdɔ ho asetena pa mpo gyina so. Ɛnnyɛ ɛdan no atifi. Ɛyɛ fam no.
Enti sɛ adamfofa no te sɛ ɛatratra seesei a, ɛho hia sɛ wode w'ani si so. Ɛyɛ ade a wobɛtumi asiesie nso, na nsiesieɛ no sua sen sɛnea wobɛdwene.
Adamfofa tena mmiae nketenkete mu
Ha na ɔfa a ɛyɛ nnipa nwanwa. Adamfofa a ɛda ahokafoɔ baanu ntam no nnyɛ kɛse a wɔkyekye wɔ ɔdɔ adeyɛ kɛseɛ mu. Wɔkyekye, anaa ɛsɛe, wɔ daa mmeaeɛ nketewa nketewa a ɛyɛ mɛrɛw sɛ ɛyera no mu.
Gottman frɛ saa mmeaeɛ yi bids (mmiae). Bid yɛ nkitaho ho mpɛ ketɛwa biara. Wo hokafoɔ ka sɛ "ei, hwɛ anomaa yi" anaa "menyaa daeɛ a ɛyɛ hu paa" anaa ogu ahome kwan a ɛkyerɛ biribi. Saa simaæ no mu, woyɛ nneɛma mmiensa no mu baako. Wodane kɔ ne nkyɛn na wo ne no di nkitaho, sɛ ɛyɛ tiawa mpo. Wodane firi ho na wummu. Anaa wode abufuw tia no.
Eyinom mu biara nte sɛ asɛm kɛse wɔ bere no mu. Mfe pii akyi no, ɛsi nea ɛyɛ biribiara so gyinaeɛ. Awarɛfoɔ a wɔkɔ so dane ba wɔn ho mmiae nketenkete nkyɛn no kɔ so yɛ varmm. Awarɛfoɔ a wɔkɔ so hwere wɔn no nkakra nkakra dane efie sofoɔ a ɛba sɛ wɔkyɛ mpa. Bid no sua. Pattern no nnyɛ ketɛwa.
Sɛ wonim eyi a, ɛma wo ho de wo wɔ ɔkwan a ɛyɛ nwanwa. Ɛkyerɛ sɛ ɛnsɛ sɛ wohyehyɛ anwummerɛ adeyɛ kɛse na woasiesie nneɛma. Wowɔ akwannya dunkyɛm da biara, a wɔn mu pii kyɛ simaæ edu.
Kɔ so foforɔ wo mfonin a ɛkyerɛ onipa a ɔyɛ no
Nnipa sesa. Onipa a wo ne no bɔɔ abom mfe enum a atwam no wɔ adwennwen foforɔ, nneɛma nketenkete foforɔ a ɔde ne ho hyɛ mu, ne adwene a ɛsono kakra a ɔpɛ sɛ n'abrabɔ yɛ. Nnamfo kɔ so di akyi. Awarɛfoɔ taa gyae, efisɛ wɔsusu sɛ wonim dada.
Gottman asɛm a ɔde frɛ sɛnea wokɔ so di akyi ne wo ɔdɔ asaseɛ mfonin (love map), nimdeeɛ a ɛkɔ so na emu da hɔ a ɛfa wo hokafoɔ komam wiase ho. Nea ɛrehaw no seesei. Nea ɔde hoahoa ne ho komm mu. Adwumayɛ yɔnko a ɔma no bo fuw no din. Wokyekye ɔdɔ asaseɛ mfonin saa ara sɛnea wobɛbɛn adamfo dada biara. Wobisa, na afei wotie ankasa.
Asɛmmisa kakra a ɛkɔ akyiri sen "wo da no yɛɛ den":
- Adɛn na ɛwɔ w'adwene mu nnansa yi a woankasa amfa adi?
- Biribi wɔ hɔ a w'ani da so anaa seesei?
- Ɛdeɛn na ɛbɛma saa dapɛn yi nyɛ duru kakra?
- Biribi asesa ama wo a ebia mereehwere?
Asɛmmisa no ho nhia sen suban a ɛda wɔn akyi no. Wobu wo hokafoɔ sɛ onipa a ɔda so rebue ne ho, ɛnnyɛ dodoɔ a wuwiee sua mfe pii ni.
Yɛ anigyeɛ wɔ boapa mu
Nnamfo yɛ nneɛma bom kwa, ɛnnyɛ biribi foforɔ ho na mmom efisɛ ɛyɛ anigyeɛ. Baabi wɔ kwan no so, awarɛfoɔ pii gyae eyi koraa. Adeyɛ biara a wɔbom yɛ dane adwuma, abɔnten adwuma, anaa nhyiamu a ɛfa mma ho.
Agorɔ nnyɛ ade hunu wɔ ha. Ɛyɛ sɛnea wokae deam sɛ na mopɛ mo ho. Enti bɔ bere bi ho ban a enni atirimpɔw ne dwumadi a ɛsɛ. Noa biribi a anyɛ yie bom. Hwɛ TV agorɔ a ɛyɛ kwasea. Nantew a wonni baabi a wode rekɔ. Kura ade baako a moboum a ɛyɛ mo baanu nko ara na wɔmma ɛnnyɛ ade a ɛho wɔ mfaso.
Na bɔ adamfofa no amammerɛ ho ban. Wo ne adamfo no, anka wobɛka sɛ meda wo ase, anka wubehu bere a ɔyɛɛ ade pa, anka wobɛma no kwan ansa na woasusu nea ɛyɛ bɔne paa. Saa obu no na ɛtaa di kane sɛ ɛsɛe wɔ onipa a yɛbɛn no paa no ho, na ɛho hia sɛ wode adwene kura mu. Gottman hui sɛ dɔ ne aseda suædeɛ a ɛkɔ so daa, sɛnea wohu nea wobu na woka no, yɛ awarɛfoɔ a wɔkɔ akyiri no nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ a emu da paa no biako.
Asɛm baako a emu yɛ nokware
Afotuo yi nsesaeɛ bi wɔ hɔ a ɛkɔ akyiri dodo, na ɛho hia sɛ wobɔ din. "Ma wo hokafoɔ nyɛ wo biribiara" nnyɛ botae no.
Nhwehwɛmu a wɔyɛɛ wɔ 2025 wɔ *Journal of Social and Personal Relationships* mu no hui sɛ nnipa a wɔbɔɔ wɔn ɔdɔ hokafoɔ din sɛ wɔn adamfo pa baako no tee abɛnbɛn ne abomtena pii, nanso wɔkaeɛ nso sɛ wɔnyaa mmoa kakra firi wɔn kuw kɛse no mu. Bere a onipa baako dane wo asetena wiase nyinaa a, wo wiase yɛ ketewa na ɛyɛ mmerɛw. Adamfofa a ɛwɔ abusuabɔ no akyi nnyɛ ahunahuna ma no. Ɛyɛ ɔfa a ɛma ɛkɔ so yɛ apɔmuden.
Eyi ne nea yenim fa adamfofa ho kɛse no hyia. American Psychological Association ka sɛ adamfofa a emu bɛn no kyekyere ahokeka a abrɛ ase, adwenem akwahosan a ɛye, ne nkwa tenten mpo ho. Wopɛ sɛ wo hokafoɔ yɛ adamfo pa kɛse. Wompɛ sɛ ɔyɛ wo adamfo koro pɛ.
Bere a akwannan no boro slump
Adamfofa slump dodoɔ no ma ho adwene. Wofiri aseɛ dane ba mmiae nketenkete no nkyɛn bio, wopɛ sɛ wuhu mo ho mo ho, wobɔ anigyeɛ kakra ho ban, na ɔdɔ no san ba wɔ dapɛn kakra mu.
Mpren bi ɛyɛ duru sen saa. Sɛ moadane akɔ animtia anaa stonewalling a ɛkɔ so mu, sɛ nkɔmɔ kɔ awieeɛ koro a ɛyaw mu daa, sɛ mo baako anaa mo baanu nyinaa akomm so agyae a, ɛno ho hia sen mmoa-wo-ho-ankasa ho asɛm. Awarɛfoɔ dwumayɛni a ɔye no nnyɛ kwannya a etwa to anaa nkogu nsɛnkyerɛnneɛ. Ɛbɛn sɛ wobɛfa ɔkwankyerɛfoɔ a onim asaseɛ no, na awarɛfoɔ taa kɔ kane sen sɛnea wodwene sɛ ɛsɛ sɛ wɔkɔ.
Na sɛ abusuabɔ no nte sɛ asomdwoeɛ, sɛ ehu, ɔhyɛ, anaa ɔhaw wɔ mu a, ɛno yɛ tebea soronko sen adamfofa a ayɛ komm, na ɛsɛ sɛ ɛnya mmoa ankasa firi nnipa a wɔatete wɔn ama no nkyɛn.
Nanso, neneɛ a ɛyɛ daa a ɛrekɔ komm no, fiase nnɛ anadwo, na fa ketɛwa fiase. Bere foforɔ a wo hokafoɔ de asɛm ketɛwa bi a ɛnyɛ hwee bɛn wo no, ma w'ani so. Bua. Saa simaæ edu no ne adeɛ no nyinaa, a wɔde di mfe pii.
Mmeaeɛ a nsɛm no firi
- The Gottman Institute, F is for Friendship
- National Bureau of Economic Research, How's Life at Home? New Evidence on Marriage and the Set Point for Happiness (Grover & Helliwell)
- American Psychological Association, The science of why friendships keep us healthy
- Phys.org, Companionship rises but support from friends falls when romantic partners become best friends, study shows