Afotusɛm ntiantia
- Look up from your phone when they speak.
- Try something you'd both be a little bad at.
- Name out loud one thing you appreciate today.
Baabi wɔ ɔkwan no so, date no gyaee. Ɛnyɛ adwene mu. Obiara ammɔ no dawuru. Asetena yɛɛ den ara kwa, na anwummerɛ a na ɛyɛ wo dea no hyɛɛ ma de biribiara: mma, inbox, nkukunan, ɔhome tenten a ɛwɔ akongua so wɔ da a ɛfaa pii sen nea ɛmaa no awiei. Mo da so dɔ mo ho. Wobɛka no a wonnsoso. Nanso ɛbɛyɛ wo den sɛ wobɛkae bere a etwa to a wo ne onipa yi tenaa anim na wote ogyaframa a wode hyɛɛ ase no ankasa.
Sɛ ɛhɔ na wowɔ a, wonni nkogu. Wo ho ye. Abusuabɔ a ɛkyɛ kɔ autopilot mu sɛnea nsu sen kɔ bepɔ ase. Asɛm pa no ne sɛ ogyaframa no nyɛ ahonyade a ɛwɔ ano a wosɛe wɔ akwan no so. Ɛte sɛ ahomatew. Ɛgye so bere a wode di dwuma.
Na adwuma a ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛkora no nyɛ kɛse. Ɛyɛ ketewa, ɛyɛ nea wobɛsan ayɛ no mpɛn pii, na ɛyɛ nea wubetumi ayɛ koraa sen sɛnea asɛm "ɔdɔ" no ma ɛte.
Nea enti a nimdeɛ ma anim no dum
Mfiase no, abusuabɔ yɛ nhuhwɛmu tenten baako. Nkɔmmɔ biara da biribi adi. Apɔnkɔ biara yɛ akwantu ketewa efisɛ wo ne obi foforo na woreyɛ, na sɛnea wuhu wo ho no kɔ so nyini ma kwan ma no. Adwenemfo a wɔsua awarefo no wɔ din ma saa nkɔso no. Wɔfrɛ no self-expansion, atenka sɛ woreyɛ wo ho a ɛyɛ kɛse, a ne ho yɛ anigye, denam onipa a wo ne no wɔ no so.
Ɔhaw no ne sɛ nhuhwɛmu no sa. Mfeɛ kakra akyi no, mo asua mo ho dodow no ara. Wɔaka anasɛm no. Foforoyɛ a ɛyɛɛ adwuma kɛse wɔ mfiase no fi adwuma komm, na nea aka ne ahotɔ. Ahotɔ yɛ anigye. Ɛno ankasa nso, ɛyɛ tɛkrɛma kakra.
Eyi ne fã a ɛfata sɛ wote ase pefee, efisɛ ɛsesa nea woyɛ wɔ ho. Tɛkrɛma no nyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ woapaw bɔne anaasɛ ɔdɔ no afi mu. Ɛyɛ ade a yɛhwɛ kwan a ɛfa sɛ wunim obi yiye. Nhwehwɛmufo a wɔsua Arthur Aron self-expansion nhyehyɛe no ahu sɛ awarefo a wɔkɔ so yɛ nneɛma foforo a emu yɛ den kakra bom no ka sɛ wɔbɛn wɔn ho wɔn ho na wɔn ani gye sen awarefo a wɔkura nea ɛyɛ anigye nhyehyɛe koro no ara mu. Foforoyɛ, sɛ wobɛka a, betumi asan aba. Anim no nyeraa. Ɛretwɛn biribi foforo a ɛbɛhwɛ.
Date a wobɛsan ayɛ no hyɛ ase ketewa sen sɛnea wususuw
Bere a nkurɔfo si gyinaeɛ sɛ wɔbɛsan ne wɔn hokafo akɔ date a, wɔtaa susuw reservation. Akokoɔwa hwɛfo, atade fɛfɛ, adidibea a kuntu napkin wɔ so. Saa anadwo no ho hia, na yebedu hɔ. Nanso sɛ wotwɛn anwummerɛ kɛse no a, wobɛtwɛn akyɛ, na abusuabɔ no te bere a ɛwɔ ntam no mu.
Bere a ɛwɔ ntam no mu na adwuma ankasa dodow no ara yɛ. John Gottman a ɔde mfeɛ pii ahwɛ awarefo ankasa wɔ nhwehwɛmu fie a kamera ne sensor wɔ mu no hui sɛ awarefo a wɔyɛ yiye nyɛ wɔn a wɔyɛ nneɛma kɛse. Wɔyɛ wɔn a wɔkɔ so bua wɔn ho wɔn ho nsɛnkyerɛnne nketenkete a ɛyɛ mmerɛw sɛ wofa nokcase a ɛfa adwene ho. Ɔfrɛ saa nsɛnkyerɛnne no bids: asɛm a ɛfa wim tebea ho, nsa a ɛda wo mmati so, "bra bɛhwɛ eyi," ɔhome a wubetumi apaw sɛ wubebisa anaasɛ woto wʼani gu so. Emu biara yɛ ɔpopono ketewa a ɛyɛ komm. *Wowɔ hɔ anaa? Wuhu me anaa?*
Akontaabu no yɛ nwonwa. Wɔ ne nhwehwɛmu mu no, awarefo a na wɔda so wɔ anigye mu mfeɛ asia akyi no danee wɔn ho kɔɔ saa bids no so bɛyɛ ɔha mu 86. Awarefo a wɔtetee mu no danee wɔn ho kɔɔ so ɔha mu 33 nko ara. Nsonsonoe a ɛda aware a ɛkyɛ ne nea ennkyɛ ntam no taa te bere nketenkete a ɛyɛ mmerɛw sɛ wo werɛ fi no mu, ɛnnyɛ awofada ahorow no mu.
Enti ansa na wobɛyɛ nhyehyɛe biara, fi ha hyɛ ase:
- Bere a wo hokafo ka biribi ketewa a, ma wʼani so fi wo telefon so na bua sɛnea ɛho hia. Efisɛ ɛho hia. Ɛno ne ahomatew no nyinaa, ɛwɔ hɔ.
- Bisa asɛm ankasa baako da biara, deɛ anka wubebisa obi wɔ date a edi kan so. "Dɛn ne wo da no mu fã a eye sen biara?" yɛ adwuma. "Eye, na wo?" nyɛ adwuma.
- Fa wo nsa ka no sɛnea bere a atwam no. Nsa a ɛda akyi, mfewano a ɛkyɛ kakra sen nkrahyɛ mfewano a daa.
Eyinom mu biara nni sika anaasɛ bere a wonni. Ɛyɛ dane a wodane wʼani. Wugyae sɛ wobɛfa wo hokafo sɛ nneɛma a woatwa ho mpɛn apem na wuhyɛ ase fa no sɛ obi a ɛfata sɛ wode wʼani si no so bio.
Hyehyɛ date no fa foforoyɛ ho, ɛnyɛ nea ɛyɛ fɛ nko ara
Bere a wunya anwummerɛ a wopue a, ko kwan a ɛtwe wo kɔ deɛ daa woyɛ no so. Adidibea koro no ara, asɛm abien koro no ara, kaagyinabea koro no ara. Hwee nni nea ɛyɛ pɛ a wo ho atɔ wo ho. Nanso nea wo ho atɔ wo no taa kura ade. Ɛntaa mfa anigye foforo mma.
Nea ɛma anigye foforo ba ne sɛ wobɛyɛ biribi a mo mu biara nyɛɛ da. Nhwehwɛmu a ɛfa self-expansion ho no ho hia ankasa wɔ ha: nneɛma a wode bom yɛ a ɛyɛ foforo kakra na emu yɛ den kakra no taa yɛ pii ma abɛnbɛn sen nneɛma a ɛyɛ anigye kɛkɛ. Aniwu ketewa a ɛfa sɛ moyɛ mfiasefo bom, a moserew sɛnea mo baanu nyinaa nim ade bi yiye no, san ma mfiase nna no fã a na biribiara yɛ foforo no ba.
Wonhia sika kɛse anaasɛ paspuoto. Adwene kakra a wobɛfa:
- Kɔ adesua a mo baanu nyinaa renyɛ no yiye. Nkukunwene, aduannoa kwan, asaw, agyantow. Aniso a mo baanu nyinaa nnyɛ no yiye no ne botae no.
- Yɛ ɔhɔho wɔ wo ankasa wo kurow mu. Yi mpɔtam a wonkɔ hɔ da na nantew hɔ kɛkɛ. Hwehwɛ tete-ade-akorabea a ɛyɛ nwonwa, baabi ketewa a nkurɔfo agyina toatoa so.
- Sesa onipa a ɔbɛyɛ nhyehyɛe. Ma mo mu biara nhyehyɛ apɔnkɔdwumadie a obiri no nnim ho hwee. Sɛ wɔkyerɛ wo onipa a wususuw sɛ woahu no nyinaa fã foforo a, ɛyɛ anigye ketewa a ɛyɛ ne dea.
- Yɛ no nipadua mu adwuma bere a wubetumi. Bepɔw foro, kayak, sakre tenten. Adrenaline kakra a wode bom no kyerɛ amene sɛ ɛte sɛ anigye a wode wɔ wo ho wɔn ho ho.
Botae no nyɛ sɛ wobɛyɛ ogyaframa ahyɛde mu. Ɛyɛ sɛ wobɛkɔ so de ade foforo ama abusuabɔ no na wode adi dwuma, enti morehuhwɛ mo ho wo ho bio sen sɛ morepɛ adansedie a ɛfa nea munim dada no nkutoo ho.
Bɔ bere no ho ban, anaa ɛbɛyera
Nokware a ɛyɛ aniwu a ɛfa adwene pa biara a ɛwɔ ɔsoro yi ho ni. Sɛ wogyaw ma bere biara a mo baanu nyinaa pɛ a, ɛrenyɛ. Bere a wommɔ ho ban no, nea obisa kan no na ɔde sɛe, na wɔn a wobisa kan no taa yɛ mma, wura, ne telefon. Wo abusuabɔ ne wʼasetena fã baako a ɛntaa mfa kalanda nsa nto wo so. Enti ɛsɛ sɛ wo ankasa woto bi ma no.
Eyi te sɛ ɛyɛ ɔdɔ tɔ se ho dɔkota nhyiamu, na nkurɔfo pii ko tia no esiane saa nti ara. Sɛ wobɛyɛ ɔdɔ ho nhyehyɛe a ɛte sɛ wobɛka sɛ ɛhɔ ayɛ nwini. Ɛnte saa. Date a egyina hɔ, nea ɛyɛ ketewa mpo, yɛ ban a atwa biribi a woasi gyinaeɛ sɛ wobɛkora no ho. Akwan kakra a wode bɛma ban no ayɛ den:
- Yi bere a egyina hɔ na fa no sɛ bɔ a anka worennsɛe ma obi foforo da. Anadwo koro no ara dawnawɔtwe biara anaa dawnawɔtwe abien biara, a wɔato so wɔ mo baanu nyinaa kalanda so, a wɔabɔ ho ban.
- Brɛ gyinapɛn no ase sɛnea ɛbɛtumi atena dawnawɔtwe a ɛyɛ den mu. Nantew a ɛba adidi akyi yɛ kan. Kɔfe Memeneda anɔpa ansa na ofie no asɔre yɛ kan. Botae no ne dɔnhwerew a wɔabɔ ho ban no, ɛnyɛ ɔyɛ kɛse no.
- Yɛ mmara ketewa a ɛfa telefon ho. Ɛkɔ adaka mu, anim da fam, a ano yɛ komm, bere no nyinaa. Dɔnhwerew baako a wode wʼani ankasa si so boro dɔnhwerew abiɛsa a wo ho fã da hɔ.
- Sesa abofra hwɛ ne abusua foforo, anaa kyekyɛ ɔhwɛfo ho, sɛnea sika ne nhyehyɛe rennyɛ nea enti a daa wotwa mu.
Awarefo a wɔkɔ so yɛ date no nyɛ wɔn a wɔwɔ bere a aka kɛse. Wɔyɛ wɔn a wɔsii gyinaeɛ sɛ saa dɔnhwerew yi yɛ deɛ wɔrenntumi nsesa na afei wɔyɛɛ wɔn ho sɛ ɛte saa.
Ka nsɛm a ɛyɛ komm no pefee
Fã baako bio wɔ hɔ, na ɛno ne deɛ ɛyɛ mmerɛw koraa sɛ wode begyaw efisɛ ɛte sɛ ɛyɛ tɛkrɛma dodo. Ka kyerɛ wo hokafo nea wʼani gye ho wɔ ne ho. Pɔtee. Pefee. Mpɛn pii.
Awarefo a wɔn aware akyɛ no kɔ komm a ɛyɛ nwonwa wɔ nneɛma pa no ho. Yehu prɛko a wɔatow agu na yɛka ho asɛm. Yehu kɔfe a wɔde brɛɛ yɛn, sɛnea wodii frɛ a ɛyɛ den bi ho dwuma, nokware sɛ wɔda so wɔ hɔ, na yɛnka hwee, efisɛ wɔahwɛ kwan na nea wɔhwɛ kwan no, wɔnkasa ho. Ɛno yɛ ahomatew a ɛsɔn brɛoo komm.
Nhwehwɛmufo a wɔsua aseda wɔ abusuabɔ mu no ahu sɛ aseda ketewa a ɛyɛ daa no yɛ adwuma sɛ aduru a wopam. Wɔ nhwehwɛmu baako a wonim no yiye mu no, nkurɔfo a wɔtee na wɔdaa aseda adi maa ayamye a ɛyɛ daa no kaa sɛ wɔbɛn wɔn hokafo da a edi hɔ no ara, na ne hokafo a ɔgyee no nso saa ara. Adwuma foforo ahu sɛ awarefo taa susuw sɛ aseda a wɔn hokafo wɔ ma wɔn no sua dodo. Ɔdɔ no wɔ hɔ taa. Wɔnnkaa ho, enti onipa biara nnya nte nka.
Bɔ mmɔden to ɛkwan no mu adwene mu. Bere a wo hokafo yɛ biribi a adwene wɔ mu a, to din. "Meda wo ase sɛ woahwɛ adasibere, na ɛho hia me ankasa." Bere a wuhu wo ho sɛ worehwɛ no kwan ho fefɛ wɔ dan no fã foforo a, ka kyerɛ no akyiri yi. Ɛbɛyɛ wo aniwu kakra mpɛn kakra a edi kan. Yɛ no ara. Wonnka nea ɛda adi. Wode adansedie rema obi sɛ wɔda so hu no.
Bere a kwan no kɛse sen sɛnea date betumi asiesie
Ɛnyɛ bere a ade ayɛ kusuu biara na ɛyɛ kusuu kɛkɛ. Ɛtɔ da bi a, atetew no kɛse na ɛyɛ dada, na adidi pa kakra rennduru ho. Sɛ wo ne wo hokafo te sɛ ofie mu tenafo sen ahokafo, sɛ nkɔmmɔ kɔ so wie wɔ ntɔkwaw koro no ara mu anaa komm a wɔhwɛ so mu, sɛ abufuw bi wɔ hɔ a ɛrekɔ so mfeɛ pii, eyinom yɛ nokware na wɔfata aniberesɛm ankasa.
Ɛno nyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ abusuabɔ no asɛe. Ɛyɛ nsɛnkyerɛnne sɛ ehia mmoa a ɛboro nnipa baanu so. Awarefo ho ɔyaresafo nyɛ ade a etwa to ansa na awiei. Awarefo a wɔn ho yɛ den pii kɔ ɔbaako sɛnea anka wɔbɛkɔ akyerɛkyerɛni nkyɛn, sɛ wobesua nimdeɛ na wɔayi nneɛma a aboaboa ano komm afi hɔ. Sɛ wo ne no nyinaa de mo nsa kɔ so a ɛyɛ kɛse dodo a, sɛ wo nkutoo wo ne ɔyaresafo bɛka sɛnea wote nka ho asɛm a ɛyɛ baabi pa koraa a wubefi ase.
Na sɛ wo abusuabɔ no fã biara da bi ma wote nka sɛ ehu aka wo, wɔahyɛ wo so, anaasɛ ahobammɔ nni hɔ ma wo a, ɛno boro date anadwo so, na ɛfata mmoa a obi a wɔatete no betumi aboa wo ma woadwen ho. Sɛ wode wo nsa kɔ saa mmoa no so a ɛyɛ nneɛma a ahoɔden wɔ mu a onipa betumi ayɛ no mu baako.
Nanso, ma awarefo dodow no ara de, kwan no yɛ deɛ ɛyɛ daa, twe brɛoo a nnipa baanu a adwuma ahyɛ wɔn ma gyaee sɛ wɔbɛhwɛ wɔn ho. Saa de no, wubetumi adu ho. Ɛbrɛ ne ho ase ma mmɔden ketewa a egyina hɔ. Wonhia sɛ wobɛsan anya nea na mowɔ wɔ mfiase no pɛpɛɛpɛ. Wode bekyekye biribi a anka mfiase no rennduru ho, abɛnbɛn pɔtee a ɛfa nnipa baanu a wɔahwɛ wɔn ho wɔn ho mfeɛ pii na wɔda so, anadwo yi, repaw sɛ wɔbɛdan wɔn ho akɔ wɔn ho wɔn ho ho.
Fa asɛmbisa baako hyɛ ase wɔ adidie so. Hwɛ baabi a ɛbɛkɔ.
Nsɛm a wonyae
- The Gottman Institute, Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids
- PubMed Central, Planning date nights that promote closeness: The roles of relationship goals and self-expansion
- Greater Good Science Center (UC Berkeley), It's the Little Things: Everyday Gratitude as a Booster Shot for Romantic Relationships
- PubMed Central, Understanding the Links Between Perceiving Gratitude and Romantic Relationship Satisfaction